


Into Skyhold

by Erelani



Series: Out of Arlathan [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Female Character, Clan Lavellan - Freeform, Dalish Courtship, Dalish Elven Culture and Customs, Drunken Confessions, Embarrassment, Eventual Fluff, Ex Girlfriend, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Interrupted, Love, Love Triangles, Mages and Templars, Misunderstandings, Past Relationship(s), Regret, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, War Table Operation: Protect Clan Lavellan (Dragon Age) - Success, former lover, win her back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2020-01-11 03:57:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 43,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18422337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erelani/pseuds/Erelani
Summary: The third Installment in my Out of Arlathan Series.Erelani Lavellan has survived the horror at Haven. She now finds herself the leader of the inquisition at the formidable skyhold fortress. Her budding relationship with the commander is growing, yet her responsibilities and their differences had caused her inner conflict. Yet when she finally lets go, and wants to jump in she finds her clan in danger.Can she save Clan lavellan and what will become of their growing feelings and relationship?A person from her past, is determined to win her heart, how will our awkward Commander win his girl?Angst and fluff aplenty!Canon divergence and regular updates. A slow burn romantic tale between Lavellan and Cullen.





	1. Fear

Skyhold was a formidable fortress, its defensive high walls and towers stood defiantly against the soaring and rugged peaks of the Frostback mountains. Erelani felt the ancient magic interwoven through the very fabric of the enthralling space, Tarasyl’an Te’las translated to her native tongue as the place the sky was held back. Yet despite its high altitude and the frozen environment the powerful elvhen magic instilled a micro climate among the bastion itself, where the air was clear, and the sun shone down making it feel like a warm spring afternoon.

The Dalish elf had been made inquisitor much to her suprise and folk from all around rallied under her banner. Skyhold quickly became a pilgrimage for many, the events of Haven gave Andrastian’s a sure sign from the Maker that the resolute mage had been sent to save them all. 

The inquisition had little time for rest, all worked tirelessly to expand, fortify and prepare for what Corypheus would throw at them next, leaving little time for respite and interactions. 

Erelani was given her own quarters, a large chamber atop of the highest tower with extensive breath-taking views in and around Skyhold. As her role as inquisitor she was now bestowed with wealth and privilege beyond anything she had ever known. The trappings of materialism that wealth and power displayed made her deeply uncomfortable. The very culture of the Dalish was based around a modest and humble way of life. When this was over, whatever happened she would gladly settle for a life without pomp and self-important appearances. 

The Inquisitors quarters where furnished in lavish style and comfort. Josephine had clearly taken great thought into its planning as even her windows were adorned with intricate stained glass of Dalish symbolism. A large desk and small library took over a small corner of her chambers. On the large oak shelves lay tomes of ancient history, lore, religion, philosophy, culture, medicine and military tactics. An impressive collection though it was put together by others on her behalf. Numerous soft furnishings including, candles, deep plush rugs, and tapestries gave the room warmth and comfort she appreciated in the vast open space. Small personal trinkets and Dalish heraldry gave the room an air of familiarity despite its ostentatious façade. However, What the mage really loved about the room was the immense fireplace where she could sit in meditation in its heat. And the colossal sumptuous bed that sat upon a raised plinth with a large curtain that overhung above the head. It was dressed in bright silks and embroidered cottons and heavy set covers so even the chilliest of nights could not disturb her comfort. The elf often felt guilty that she was given such preferential treatment and despite her protests, her advisors were adamant that she should take the tower as her own. Cementing her station. 

Cullen had found himself a space of his own along the eastern rampart that separated him from the grand hall, an aged yet functional tower. Here it’s ground floor housed his command centre and office, where he toiled tirelessly over reports and meetings. Rows of books lined the walls and a large desk was set at the centre of the room. A small ladder climbed up into the loft were simple furnishings and a large oak bed stood under a broken rooftop. Cullen enjoyed the freedom that the cold air and humble lodgings afforded. When fatigue and the stress of daily life took him, he could look up into the heavens and breath the pure mountain air. In those moments of respite, he felt clarity and peace. 

So too did the other companions find themselves comfortable and suitable lodgings. It didn’t take long before Skyhold felt like more than a sanctuary after Haven, it soon began to feel like home. 

***  
Erelani had struggled with the aftermath of Haven, knowing many had lost their lives in the attack weighed heavily on her conscience. She had taken to quiet evenings alone trying to process and come to terms with the guilt and grief that clung to her heart. The very real brush with death had left her feeling weak and powerless. Although her seemingly impossible survival from Haven gave rise to even more ‘proof’ of her deific path, from those who believed in the chantry and those around her who saw such strength and resolve. The inquisition had put her upon a pedestal and the notion of her being divine and sent from the maker made it all the harder to bare. This Dalish elf certainly had no ties to their Maker.

Following the tragedy and shock of Haven and the diminishing morale of the survivors. It was quickly decided that a memorial was to be built upon the Temple of Sacred Ashes. All who were lost would forever be remembered for their sacrifice.

For the first time since they had arrived in Skyhold, people were finally rallied together, and morale was greatly improved. The whole of Skyhold came together in memory of song and story. Ale flowed freely and wounds began to close.

In the back of the Heralds Rest, Erelani sat with her companions, slowly sipping her Antivan wine to ease her sorrow. Solemn music filled the airy space, until great trumpets rang out in the courtyard. All gathered around in silence as the list of the names of the fallen were read out. Hearing each person lost to Corypheus amplified her grief and when the ceremony was finished, she took her leave. 

Erelani began to walk in no particular direction just away from the commotion and painful reminders.

The elf soon found herself on the end of the great bridge that connected Skyhold to the mountain pass. Climbing onto the top of the watchtower she sat overlooking the great expanse before her, it was awe inspiring. The crisp fresh snow that covered the peaks sparkled like diamonds in the late afternoon sunshine.  
Here she sat, going over and over in her mind, how she could have done better, could another choice have changed things?.

Erelani knew. There had been no time, the invasion had been a shock. Haven was no fortress they stood no chance. Yet her genuine care for others made the truth hard to swallow. 

Light slowly faded and the cold of the evening began to chill. Yet she wasn’t ready to return just yet. 

Suddenly Cullen appeared out of nowhere looking breathless and worried. Erelani jumped out of her skin, her thoughts a million miles away, eluding her to the sudden arrival of the Commander. 

“Thank the Maker” he gasped as he made his way towards her

“Cullen! Is something wrong?” she sputtered at the sudden interruption. Panic taking over her as the thought of another catastrophe occurring. 

“NO! No, I’m sorry.” He stuttered nervously before continuing. 

“Well…. I erm. I just came to see you. To see how you were coping. I tried the Rest but by the time I got there you had gone. One of the guards mentioned you’d gone for a walk, and when you hadn’t returned, I got worried” He confessed

“It’s okay Cullen. I’m just having a difficult time coming to terms with what happened at Haven.” She breathed in deeply allowing her tense shoulders to drop slightly

“Corypheus came for me, and because of that we lost many good people. Then I manage to almost get myself killed and yet people still think I am some sort of saviour, sent by creators knows who, to save them all! I don’t know how I got here, but I don’t want to be responsible for losing anybody again.” She said her voice trembling

Cullen felt the pain in her words and just wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. Yet they both knew she was the one with the mark, their one chance at salvation. 

“Erelani You are the bravest and most able person I know. Corypheus by nature will seek chaos and destruction. You are not responsible for his crimes. The people around us know what they risk, and they sacrifice it willingly because they see who you are and what you stand for. The inquisitor & her inquisition stand for a better world. You stood alone against a monster and an arch demon, or whatever that was and gave us the chance to escape. Without you we would all be dead now. “

“We could never have prepared for what happened. You could have….. I swear to you Erelani, that I will not let that happen again” he continued, emotion in his voice as he looked into her deep and pretty eyes. For once his need to close the distance and protect her overrode his shy and cautious nature. 

Taking off his mantle he wrapped it around her shoulders. Which she seemed to accept willingly. 

“Everyone has so much faith in me and my leadership. After Haven I don’t feel strong enough to carry it” she confessed. 

Cullen stepped closer to her and took her small hands in his. Her heart thumped in her chest at the unexpected yet welcomed touch.

She wanted to hold him, to touch him, to seek comfort in his embrace. The warmth in his big hands felt like anchors grounding her back down to reality. His presence felt right. The pull she felt in her heart grew as he looked down at her with such softness and compassion. Those eyes…

Her skin was cold and pale. Unable to take his eyes off her as she gazed up at him with such humility. The fear, she felt made his heart ache for her. In that moment time slowed. Was this real? He felt the draw, the connection. Unexplainable but as strong as steel. 

Cullen cleared his throat.  
“I watched as you fought back from the brink, I saw the strength and courage you possess in those moments. You are far stronger than you know, and you have more than proven yourself.”

His vision clouded by the memory of her in his arms as he felt her slipping away and the words she uttered before she succumbed to darkness.  
Had she meant them? Did she even remember saying them? Was she delirious? Doubt and disbelief overshadowed his heart and her words.

Ir ableas. Melava enan enasal, Vhenan

“Cullen, our escape was close. To not have you…..” Erelani was cut off as a scout made his way up the rampart of the tower.

“Urgent Report from Captain Rylen, Commander!”

Cullen closed his eyes for a brief second before taking a quick breath and turning to the scout. He snatched the report off the scout who had managed to track him so quickly and snappily dismissed him. 

The moment gone and their duty called to them. 

“You do not need to carry this burden alone, although it must feel like it. I will… We will always be here for you”

Erelani smiled gently before coming away from the sides and nodding gently. “Back to reality then Commander” she said as they walked back to Skyhold together in a frustrating and longing silence.

***

Back in the safety of her chambers Erelani sat pondering as Cullen’s words started to take root.

Wrapping the large coverlet over herself and embracing the warmth of the fire she sat contemplating her future. The beautiful mage had certainly come a long way from the Dalish Elf that walked out of Arlathan that midsummer day. There would be no way she would ever come to terms with losing people but perhaps she was fate touched and despite the odds, Erelani had already come this far. Perhaps she could do this together with the inquisition at her back, those who she proudly called her friends.

Her mind slowly wondered to the watchtower. Honey eyes and golden curls warmed her heart. His gentle touch, the deep caring yet strong voice, his devotion. The distinct pull and heat she felt around him since that fateful day.

But would a templar ever consider a mage? And an elf at that! What would her clan say? Would it change things with her family? Could she really even go back now to that life?

It seemed that all races and peoples leading such detached lives had caused half the problems that plagued Thedas. Was division really the answer? Everything she had seen and done, to divide people was to separate and alienate them. Indifference and intolerance to each other’s lives and plights helped begin the hate that fuelled a society of fear and bigotry. 

Erelani moved quietly to her desk, with the intention of penning a letter to Keeper Deshanna. Though the words would not come, her thoughts and feelings a muddled mess of grief and confusion. Uncertainty and fear overwhelmed her. Time was needed. 

***

The moon hung high in the heavens as stars glistened across the endless canopy.

At such a late hour Skyhold was quiet. The gentle calls of the nocturnal fauna and the hushed whisper of guards, mixed with the familiar chime of armored feet patrolling were the only sounds to acknowledge the presence of others.

Cullen quietly made his way to the library; his swift footfall and gait were surprisingly quiet. When he finally arrived, he found it empty. A rush of relief washed over him. Here he would find answers and solutions. 

Scouring the tomes meticulously, shelf after shelf he searched in the dim candlelight. 

It took him time, but he finally found what he was looking for and he crept back down the stairs ready to retreat. Wrapping the book in a small linen cloth he made his way down. Confident his mission had been successful he upped his pace back to the sanctuary of his tower. 

Making his way around the final bend of the spiraling staircase he came crashing into Dorian. The book flew out of his hands onto the cold stone floor. Landing at Dorians' feet. Cullen tried to quickly scramble to pick it up as casually as he could. The embarrassment he felt at the possible expose made his cheeks burn and his mouth dry. 

However, Dorian being closer to the object of Cullen’s discomfort, graciously bent down and picked it up unknowingly.

“Dalish Rites and Traditions!” Said the well-groomed mage with a knowing smile and twinkle in his dark eyes.

Cullen’s' cheeks flushed. He quickly grabbed the book, Simply nodding at the Tevintan mage before making a rather hasty retreat. 

Dorian laughed heartily at the bashful commander.

The commander was going to need some help.


	2. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Iron Bull have their suspicions and aim to get to the bottom the possible sparks flying around Skyhold!

Erelani’s brief respite at Skyhold quickly came to an end as duty called. Endless reports came in by the drove, as the Inquisition settled into their new home. There was always more work to be done.

***

Curled around the strong and muscular body of Iron Bull, lay Dorian in the dim candlelight of his chamber. The pair had grown close and their obvious attraction for one another and constant roasting’s and retorts on missions had led to a passionate affair of hearts.

“So, a funny thing happened the other night” mused Dorian

“I bumped into our stoic Commander, making his way down from the library complete with a book on the Dalish.” He continued

“I knew it!” Roared the Iron Bull

“What did you say?” questioned Bull

“I didn’t get a chance, he turned crimson and fled for his honour” chuckled the Tevintan.

The Iron Bull laughed at the hilarious mental image.

“Has there ever been a man that needed a release more than him!” Chortled Dorian

“And what of The Boss, how does she feel?” asked Bull

“That one is harder to read, but she said something to Cullen after Haven. Something possibly affectionate. Though Solas mentioned her kind don’t mix, like us animals! However, the way she looks at him and the time they spent together in Haven I certainly have my suspicions!” Dorian blurted in amusement before sitting up to face Bull.

“Those pair are far to awkward to ever pull their act together and get down to it!!”

“Whilst you’re in the Exalted Plains, find out. Talk to her! I’ll attempt to get our beloved commander to open up!” instructed Dorian eagerly.

***

Cullen stood at the foot of his bed, after washing himself down after a particularly vigorous training session with the recruits. The afternoon sun beamed down upon Skyhold. The dull thumping in his head and behind his eyes from the lyrium withdrawal intensified greatly as he began to put back on his heavy armour. There was so much to be done and he had little time to stop and rest. As Cullen put on the final piece, he heard the door to his office below open and quiet footsteps enter.

“Can I help you?” he called out. His strong voice booming down from the rafters.

“I’ve just got some plans I need you to look over, if you can spare the time” Called Erelani hopefully, a little uncomfortable with disturbing him in his quarters.

His footsteps echoed as he made his way across his room and down the ladder to his office. He smiled gently at her “Of course”

Erelani immediately noticed how pale and drained he looked and how he held himself. Cullen sat at his desk and gestured for her to join him, before pouring over the bundles of plans and reports that needed his attention.

“What’s going on?” Erelani blurted as she watched him breathe heavily and shift uncomfortably in his chair.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you like this…I’m worried” she continued with genuine concern in her voice.

Cullen sighed “As leader of the Inquisition, there is something I must tell you….”

“Whatever it is, I’m willing to listen. You can tell me anything” said the elf her fear and concern doubling

“Right…thank you” he said before pausing

“Back in Haven I told you about lyrium, well lyrium is what grants templars their abilities. But it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer- some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source for the templars here. But I…no longer take it” he stated.

“You stopped?” asked Erelani surprised by his admission

Cullen nodded “When I joined the inquisition, it’s been months now.”

“So that night in the Mire? Why didn’t you tell me sooner I could have helped you?” she said gently.

“Why would I, and worry you? I chose this” he replied

“After what happened in Kirkwall…I will not be bound to the order or that life anymore. Whatever the suffering I accept it. But I will not put the inquisition at risk. I have asked Cassandra to watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised. I will be relieved from duty.” He explained

“How often are you in pain?” she asked quietly listening intently to his every word.

“It comes here and there, but I can endure it.” He tried to reassure her

“Cullen…I appreciate your honesty. And for what its worth I respect your decision” she said before pausing briefly

“If you would allow me, I may actually be able to relieve some of your symptoms with some Dalish remedies? Just some tea’s and draughts. It may not cure you, but I believe it will provide some relief. I’m also happy to channel some healing energy your way whenever I am able”

Cullen smiled deeply. “I do not want you to worry about me, you have far more pressing matters than my ails Lavellan” he smirked cheekily

“An Inquisition without a commander?! Nonsense! I’ll be back soon!” she said matter of factly before rushing off to her chambers.

A few short hours had gone by when the mage came running back to his office, her arms full of bottles and pouches of all shapes and sizes, the real threat of her dropping everything made Cullen lurch forward to aid her. She began laying them out on the table.

“This one is for headaches, the green one is for fatigue! This one induces a restful sleep and could literally knock out a full grown bronto, but make sure you don’t mix it with this one!” she explained excitedly pointing to a yellow looking draught.

The bottles and pouches a mind-boggling meld of colour and scents, Cullen was overwhelmed as she proudly continued her presentation.

“If you have tummy aches, try two spoons with that and hot water and honey, not boiling!”

“This blue vile is really good, it will soothe the muscles and calm the nerves! And these tea leaves are just a good general tonic, three cups a day steeped in boiling water!” she finished and was beaming from ear to ear.

“Well, Lavellan, it certainly seems like you’ve got me taken care off!” he chortled at the surprisingly excited and animated display from the usually reserved elf.

“My father is a clan healer and master herbalist. Whilst I had to focus my studies on becoming first, I still picked up a trick or two from him!”

“Oh! And here I’ve written down everything you need to know about each potion or draught, so you can’t go wrong! Just don’t mix the yellow with the other potions or draughts and you will be fine!”

“Thank you. I promise to read this and start these immediately. “he smiled, surprised by the sheer volume and concern she showed him.

“There is one more thing commander before I have to pack!” she said as she ushered him to his chair.

“May I?”

She firmly pushed him down before coming behind him and placing her hands on his head.

Cullen smiled remembering all too well the power in her hands. Erelani was a sheer force of will, he couldn’t imagine saying no to her for anything now. Her touch was exhilarating, the charge around them intensified and he felt his heartbeat faster and the heat rise around them.

“Please” he whispered in agreement

Instantly the warmth of her healing magic spread down from his head to the rest of his body, delving deeply, slowly seeking out his aches and pains. The sensation prickled his skin and made his stomach churn a little but otherwise felt wonderful. Then came the unmistakable chill touch, the dull ache and tension in his head lifting as the cold magic soothed the dull throb he had endured. Her touch was careful, soft and tender. Cullen loved feeling her hands upon him, it soothed his soul and made his heart ache for her. That pull was strong. The very air around them seemed to electrify and intensify whenever they were close, and he wondered if she could feel it to. It was so potent he found it hard to imagine that anyone could miss it.

_Maker this beautiful woman……_

Slowly she pulled her hands away and moved to face him once more.

“Better?” she asked with a hopeful smile

“Much” he smiled back at her

“Good. Now don’t forget those!” she said pointing at the vast collection now taking over his desk.

“I had better go, I’ve got to pack and get ready for the next outing! See you soon Cullen” she said before making a swift dash off.

Cassandra and Bull would be waiting for her and getting impatient by now, she’d kept them long enough and their plans needed to be finalised before the morning. Erelani was certainly going to miss Cullen.

******

The Inquisitor had been gone a short few days and Cullen true to his word had started taking the tea. Though since their afternoon in his office he had felt wonderful and had yet to feel the need to use any of the other potions. The tea was certainly an acquired taste, but it kept him going. After each cup he felt stronger and revitalised and he made sure to keep up with the regular break. Feeling so well and energized meant he had quickly caught up with his reports and meetings and found himself with a rare evening of respite. Brewing his third cup of the elfroot tea he climbed up to his quarters and took off his armour before lazily lounging on his bed. He took the book off his dresser and began to read it.

**Dalish Rites & Traditions**

_Cullen thumbed through the book quickly, pages on nomadic life, religion and various traditions. His attention first turned to a section marked the Vallaslin. An extract written by a Dalish Keeper was added to the chapter it read._

_When the children of our people come of age, they earn the privilege of wearing the Vallaslin, the blood writing. It sets us apart from the shemlen, and from the elves who have thrown their lot in with them. It reminds us that we will never again surrender our traditions or beliefs._

_The ritual deserves great reverence. The one who is to gain the Vallaslin must prepare by meditating on the gods and the ways of our people, and by purifying the body and skin. When the time comes, the keeper of the clan applies the blood writing. This is done in complete silence. Cries of pain are signs of weakness. If one cannot tolerate the pain of blood writing, they are not ready to undertake the responsibilities of an adult. The keeper may stop the ritual if they decide that the one gaining the Vallaslin is not ready. There is no shame in this, for all children are different and our ancestors once took centuries to come of age._

_As told by Gisharel, keeper of the Dalish Clan Ralaferin_

Cullen pictured Erelani’s beautiful face and the reddish-brown tint of delicate markings that sat upon her high cheek bones. He thought they were beautiful, the colours drawing out the olive and golden tones of her mysterious eyes and porcelain skin. He had heard tales that Dalish mark themselves to stand apart from everyone else, Erelani certainly stood out.

The last extract reminded him of the aftermath of Haven, her lying on the small make shift cot as the others worked tirelessly to save her. Despite her pain she did not move or cry out. Instead she endured, he wondered if she felt a weakness in him now and the thought worried him. He continued to read the small tome, sipping his hot tea slowly. He came upon an interesting chapter.

**Bonding**

_The Dalish take matters of the heart seriously and there are many factors to consider in their approach. Tradition and survival fuel their way of life and their love._

_The act of courting is a slow and drawn out process, time is taken to know their potential mate before they make a commitment. When the pursuing party is confident in a match he/she may show their intention. Gifts may be exchanged in a bid to show interest or a declaration made in the form of song or poetry where promises are made. Among some clans the gift of an aravel is required before a commitment can begin._

_Among other clans it appears that the male elf must prove themselves as a capable hunter in order to be worthy of marriage, or as the Dalish call it Bonding. Ultimately it falls down to the couple whether they find each other a potential mate, as the Dalish bond for life. Some clans practice arranged marriages within the larger community. Though this matchmaking usually happens in smaller clans where one may struggle to find a suitable match._

_There seems to be no stigma in same sex relationships, however the issue that may occur is a refusal to have children and prolong the pure bloodline. There is an unspoken duty to procreate._

_An interesting aspect however is a soul bond. There is a belief among the Dalish in fate crossed love where a match is so strong the souls of both lovers are eternally united, and many song and tale seem to carry this theme along. The belief is that even the creators could not keep those fated to be together apart. Their union is blessed event and even death cannot keep them apart._

_The Dalish do not approve of interspecies relations and this could result in exile from one’s clan. Mating with another species is considered traitorous and any elf who conceives a child risks expulsion from the whole community. It has been observed outside of the Dalish that fertility rates between parents of different races are low. And in those children born they appear physically human but carry elven blood. It would stand to reason a group of persecuted people would want to keep their lines strong._

Cullen felt his heart sink.

Solas was right. Despite this unearthly connection he felt, he risked her exile from her clan, her very family. Cullen could never ask her to give that up for him and would never want to put her in that position.

Though over and over he read the paragraph detailing the soul bonds. Perhaps, maybe, if……but he was a human and she was an elf. Sleep finally took the commander, his subconscious taking over as dreams and nightmares took hold of him.

Standing on the brink, there she was just within reach, but great waves pushed him away from her. Then he was back in Kinloch where the demon tortured him again only this time it was Erelani. False promises of a beautiful flowered cottage in a magical woodland. A beautiful golden haired pointy eared little girl in his arms. Whilst Erelani gazed at him lovingly with a swollen pregnant belly. The demon goaded and baited him with his foolish fantasies. Then emptiness- Cullen in darkness alone and madness taking him no sign of his wife and child. Finally, the nightmare became too much, and Cullen woke up panting hard and sweat soaking his linen sheets.

Rising to his feet, he took in his surrounding and seeing the book he threw it on the floor. Cullen knew it was futile, even though he loved her wholly. He would simply have to love her from afar.

***

Dorian had made it his business to get the truth out of the commander one way or another, after a week his shipment had finally arrived. Something the commander himself could not refuse. Confidently striding into the Commanders tower one evening he popped himself down on the chair in front of the desk taking Cullen by surprise.

“I hear you play chess Commander. Sadly it would seem that there are no skilled competitors here and I was wondering if you would be up for a little challenge?”

Cullen wasn’t sure if it was the thrill of competition or the much-needed distraction from his thoughts but a few hours playing chess seemed like the prefect way to spend an evening.

“I have some reports to finish up, but if you're free I could meet you after supper?”

“Perfect” countered Dorian

“I do hope you are accustomed to losing Commander” he taunted playfully.

******

It wasn’t long before Dorian and Cullen had become friends the hours spent over the board grounded and relaxed Cullen. Taking his mind far away from the stresses of his life. It seemed both men were well taught and provided the other with a skilled opponent. After a few weeks since they had started their matches and with the inquisitor gone for so long Dorian finally thought that they had hit a point in their new found friendship where Cullen would feel comfortable.

“So, Cullen tell me, a handsome man such as yourself. How have you not been snapped up by some rich noblewoman” Dorian asked coolly

“Don’t worry Commander, I’m not asking for myself merely an observation.”

Cullen shook his head awkwardly. “Being in the order and my life up until now has made me few friends. I certainly left no ties in Kirkwall.” The commander explained

“No-one special has caught your eye Commander”

Cullen flushed and took a deep breathe. “Not in Kirkwall” He said deflated and sombre

“Forgive my assumptions but, the Inquisitor?” Dorian questioned

Cullen struggled with discussing matters like this. His personal life was private. But Dorian was a friend and his heart was heavy with doubts and fears. Cullen nodded.

“Does our fearless leader know?”

Cullen shook his head. “I dare not tell her. The Dalish don’t do human relationships. Just us being together could lead her to become exiled from her clan.”

“Ah, your research. Tricky, tricky. Though what’s to say her clan are that way inclined. She is here helping humans after all?”

Cullen simply shrugged his broad shoulders.

“ I may not be an expert in Dalish love affairs, but I feel Erelani is forever changed now, She may not want that life anymore. And still, her potential exile should be her decision to make, when she knows the facts. Surely its worth the risk my friend. You never know she may feel too scared to confess her feelings to an ex-templar?”

*****

The Exalted Plains were a dry and humid desert wasteland and the past few weeks had been hell. Erelani longed for the simple comfort of shade in the days and the heat, a roof and walls bought on the cold nights. It was finally time to make the long journey back across Orlais to Skyhold and the companions had made camp for the night.

“So Boss, What was life like before the green shit in the sky?” Bull asked

“Different” laughed Erelani

“I never imagined my life could take such a dramatic turn” she continued

“Ha! I bet!” roared the Iron Bull

“Id imagine you must miss it. Did you leave anyone special back home?” He gently probed seeking answers

“Aside from my family?” asked the elf

The Iron Bull nodded innocently and took a bite of the makeshift meal they were sharing around the camp.

“No, not now” she answered honestly

“But there was?” questioned the Quanri

The elf nodded “My distance proved to be an obstacle she couldn’t endure. Though it was certainly for the best. This whole thing has certainly changed my perspective on things” she chuckled

“A golden-haired human kind of perspective?” Bull teased, unable to keep up the discreet pretense any longer.

Erelani’s cheeks flushed scarlet and she struggled to find words to reply to the unexpected query .

In that moment Iron Bull saw what he needed. His years under the qun gave him an excellent insight and an incredible skill at reading people. There was now no doubt the Inquisitor had eyes for their Commander. He couldn’t wait to convene with Dorian.

“Don’t worry Boss, I’ll keep it quiet”

********

The return journey was swift and uneventful, thankfully fair weather ensured excellent riding conditions and doubled their speed. They would be home within the week. Her heart was full of excitement and anticipation. Her thoughts often of those honey eyes and the crooked smile and that scar on his lip.

_Creators that man_

*****

The Inquisitor hadn’t passed the gates of Skyhold before a messenger was upon her, calling her to a meeting. What now, she thought.

Erelani paced the stone floor of the war room nervously, her stomach in knots and a feeling of dread and anxiety consumed her.

“I will send my best scouts immediately and we will find them Inquisitor. You have my word” reassured Leliana.

Josephine and Cullen looked on at her with care and sympathy, reassuring her as best they could.

It wasn’t as if The Dalish were know for staying in one place long, but since Haven she had yet to hear from them. The lines of communication had been cut and nobody knew why. Perhaps they had simply moved on and word had yet gotten to them about the attack on Haven? Perhaps they were on their way there? Or what if they were attacked in Wycombe by the humans?

A million scenarios flooded her mind, none bringing any comfort to her. Erelani tried to remain rational and calm but anxiety and concern took hold of her, her deepest fears felt like they were coming to life. There was little she could do; they had no idea where the clan was. But Leliana’s scouts were the best. Whatever had happened they would find clan Lavellan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Lots more to come in the story and excited for where the next turn takes our Commander and Inquisitor!


	3. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and The Bull finally convince the inquisitor to take a well earned night off and join them at the Heralds Rest.  
> What follows is an adorable and awkward encounter with Commander Cullen

Erelani had learnt quickly that keeping busy and active was a sure-fire way to manage stress and worry. When your ‘up to your arse in demons’ there is little time to contemplate the future and the million nagging concerns that gnawed at her relentlessly.

Since returning to Skyhold and having no news on her clan the elf had done everything she could to keep herself busy. Solas had been a great support and distraction in the days that followed. The Dalish mages healing skills had improved greatly, and she was now feeling confident and sure of her newfound abilities. Yet there was only so much training she could do.

Cullen had been industrious since their arrival and worked ceaselessly to prepare for any eventuality. Each time the elf had attempted to see him, he had been training troops or in meetings.

After one particularly gruelling day where fear and uncertainty plagued her, she decided to attend the Heralds Rest after endless requests for her presence by Dorian and Bull. Maybe an evening spent laughing and forgetting her troubles would do her good.

                                    ***

The moon hung high and bright in the clear evening sky as Erelani made her way across the courtyard to the Tavern. As she approached, she heard the raucous laughter and song as those inside enjoyed the escape it gave them.

As she opened the door to the tavern heads turned in acknowledgment of her presence and she felt the mood change, quickly the laughter died down. It made her uncomfortable how people saw her, The cause had taken from her who she was. People didn’t see her for the simple Dalish elf she was anymore. They saw her as a hero, a blessing from the Maker who would save them all. To them she was something bigger than a simple elf, she saw it in the awestruck looks and bowed heads. All she wanted was her escape for an evening, there was so much riding on her success. These people didn’t seem to understand she was just like them. She was terrified too, she had come here for the same reason they had.

“Please don’t stop on my account! A round on me!” She cried hopeful that this small act would be enough to turn the attention away from her and back onto their evening.

Cheers rang out and quickly much to her relief, the patrons carried on with their evening drowning their worries in ale.

Erelani made her way up to the bar where Krem sat nursing a tankard.

“You certainly know how to make an entrance” he smiled

“Cabot, get our fine Inquisitor here a drink would you”

Cabot was certainly not as warm and friendly as Flissa. The surly dwarf grunted in acknowledgement before heading to the storeroom.

“I’m told to serve you this” he said dryly as he passed the elf over a glass of green, bubbly liquid.

“What is it?” Asked the Mage curiously

Cabot shrugged his shoulders “Something from your Quanri friend”

The elf sniffed at the liquid, its pungent smell and intense colour made her eyes water.

“Creators, No!”

“Can I just have a glass of that lovely wine please!”

Krem laughed “Dragon Piss”

“What?!” queried Erelani

“It’s a Qun delicacy, I think he is trying to initiate you!”

“Where is he?” she replied suspiciously

Krem pointed to the back of the Tavern. Erelani nodded her thanks before making her way around the back and finding Bull and Dorian hand in hand.

“Mind a third wheel?” she interrupted hopefully

“Boss! Finally,” welcomed the bull in a loud bellow.

“We were beginning to think you had some aversion to fun!” guffawed Dorian

“But I see that’s not the case! Look Dragon’s Piss” pointed the Bull eagerly!

"About that, what the hell is it Bull?” she asked cautiously

“That my friend, is escape!” he replied

Erelani took in a deep breath, escape huh?

                                    ***

As the evening progressed it wasn’t long before the elf felt her inhibitions falter and her defensive walls come tumbling down. Erelani listened intently as Dorian and Bull talked about their homelands and their childhoods.

“What about your home?” asked Bull

“My clan was all I knew until I came here, it was a very different way of life. I struggled at first being away from them, but I admit the family I have around me now is incredibly dear to me also” She replied

She took another long glug of her wine.

“Its just all these people are divided, all of us! It breeds contempt and indifference. I’m not sure I agree with the division anymore” she said quietly as if finding it hard to voice her concerns

“Its great having a pride in your roots and who you are, but this mess. Its just made me see things differently. Or Maybe it’s this" she pointed to the green liquid

"Since I was a child, my fate was preordained. I’d have to lead the clan one day. I take that responsibility seriously, I do. But seeing what I’ve seen….” she knocked back another shot of the green stuff.

“Deshanna has always been different to the other clan's firsts, her sending me here is proof of that. But I just feel we could all flourish if we understood each other a little better. Corypheus and demons aside. The Circles, bloody Mages VS Templars. Its just all the bastard politics’ that comes with it all” she concluded

“Darling you are here to forget all of that nonsense if only for an evening!” Encouraged Dorian

“More drinks” demanded the Bull

Erelani smiled, “Your right!! Drinks!”

An hour or so passed as the trio laughed and continued to drink, the topic of relationships came up. Bull and Dorian telling hilarious tales of past romantic exploits. It seemed both had a rather colourful past! It was fascinating listening to how different they did things. The Inquisitor's cheeks ached from laughing so much.

“Come on Inquisitor, you must have a sordid hilarious tales to tell us?”

Erelani’s cheeks blazed. “My history is quite boring I’m afraid” she replied

“Come on! There must have been some excitement in the Dalish camp?”

Erelani coughed. “Well you had to be careful where you went, there isn’t a lot of privacy with the Dalish. You had to get inventive”

“Now were talking!” encouraged Iron Bull

“Thankfully we were never caught but there were a few close calls.” Laughed Erelani

“So, who is this we?” asked Dorian curiously

Erelani felt a little unease wash over her she was made to relive her past.

“Before I came here, I thought Cerine was the one I’d spend my life with. But the creators put us on different paths, well that and she found someone else while I was gone” she laughed.

“Ouch!” gasped Dorian

“Honestly, I’m relieved. I mean at the start it was a hell of a shock but now… Now I can’t imagine our life together. We both were both poles apart and wanted different lives. I think I led a sheltered life before this. I’ve certainly had my eyes opened here!”

Bull and Dorian smirked at each other.

“Another round!” declared Erelani

The hours quickly passed, and the effects of the alcohol were really starting to show on the inebriated elf.

Bull took his chance “So, the Commander, think he could be the one to see a new perspective with?”

Erelani was now far too drunk to have her usual inhibitions. “He is rather handsome isn’t he” she quietly whispered with a smile on her face.

“Quite! Half the population here seems to think the same” teased Dorian

A tiny hint of jealousy surged through the elf at the thought of him with somebody else.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him. We thought perhaps you and he…” he continued

Erelani smiled “No! I mean, I have no idea how humans do anything. Or even if he could even see me as anything more. I mean I’m an elf AND a mage. And he is a bloody ex-templar. How the hell do I explain that to my clan. Even if he was interested….”

“Boss, sometimes you’ve just gotta grab at a chance of happiness while you can. You’ve said yourself your clan is different, and things won’t ever be the same for you. Surely its worth the risk, if you feel that way?”

Erelani sat quietly in thought, before knocking down another shot of the Qun tipple. “Your right! Gentlemen. Wish me luck!”

The elf quickly got to her feet, the room was spinning and yet she was determined to talk to Cullen, and finally get her feelings out on the table. Dorian and Bull in fits of laughter as they watched her clambering her way out of the tavern!

“Wait!” they shouted as they both just as wobbly helped her up to the commanders quarters.

                   ***

Cullen could her the ruckus from his office as the trio made there way up to his tower. As soon as he opened the door to inspect the noise, he found a very drunk Erelani bolstered up with Iron bull and Dorian at her sides.

“Good Evening Commander, we have a delivery for you. She insisted!” mused Dorian

“Makers Breath, how much has she had?!”

“Ah! My commander!” Erelani slurred as she made her way inside his office

Dorian and the Bull quickly taking their leave in fits of giggles.

Erelani stumbled and swayed and held on to the commander as he walked her to the chair at his desk. He was so tall, strong and he smelt amazing. To be this close to him…..

“Good Evening Lavellan?” he smiled curious at the sudden arrival.

Erelani looked up at the handsome blurry vision in front of her.

“Cullen, I care… for…” She blurted, before quickly stopping.

The room began to sway and Erelani felt nausea gripping her. Her face turned white and she closed her eyes to try hoping it would switch off from the dizziness.

“Andraste! Stay there!”

Cullen climbed the ladder to his bedroom and quickly procured a pouch of elfroot tea she had given him. If he had learnt anything, elfroot was a rather good tonic for most ailments. He quickly put a pot onto the hearth to boil to help the drunken elf, but by the time he returned to her she was hunched over his desk snoring softly. Cullen couldn’t help but smile at the beautiful elf laying before him. His heart ached for her, even in a drunken stupor she was utterly captivating. He bent down beside her and gently whispered to her.

“I’m taking you to bed, my lady”

Cullen picked her up gently and wrapped his mantle around her. Erelani sensing the warmth and embrace of the Commander snuggled in to his broad and muscular chest before inhaling deeply. He always smelt so good. With tired eyes she gazed up at the handsome human who had captured her heart.

Drunkenly her mother tongue took over. “Ma ghilana, vhenan.”

Cullen’s breath caught in his throat, Vhenan! He had heard that word before. How he wished he could speak Elvish. He had tried to pick up a few bits here and there but was out of his depth with the rest.

“Erelani?” Cullen probed

But she just smiled sleepily. Making his way through the main hall, he quickly found himself at her door. Carefully he carried her up the stairs. He held her tightly taking great care to not knock her or disturb her. Finally, he came into her chambers, he felt awkward being in her personal sanctum and didn’t like to invade her space but, he was left with little choice. He moved to her large soft bed, and gently placed her down upon it. Before taking her boots off. He added a few more logs to her fire and gently placed the cover over her, before attempting to take his leave. As he turned to leave, she whispered his name. He quickly turned back to the drunk elf.

“Yes, my inquisitor?” he said softly

“Stay with me” she whispered… “Please”

Cullen knew she was drunk; this was not the way he envisioned anything would happen between them. He would certainly not take advantage of her in this state. Despite her gentle plea, should anything happen it would be consensual. 

“Cullen, could you ever care for an elven mage?” she mumbled suddenly and unexpectedly.

Fear and hope flooded his senses, was she just saying this because she was drunk or did she actually mean it. He had dreamt of this moment of finally knowing he wasn’t going mad and she thought of him in the same way he did her.

“I can, and I do” he replied honestly

Erelani tugged at his arm, pulling him down onto her bed. The world span wildly but she managed to sit herself up partially. Erelani leaned forward and kissed Cullen gently and tenderly on his full lips, before laying back down and closing her eyes as the spinning intensified. Cullen felt the electricity around them as their lips briefly touched. Maker he prayed this was real.

“Sleep my beautiful Elvhen” Cullen sighed

“We can talk about this in the morning.” He whispered as he planted a tender kiss upon her forehead and tucked her in.

Cullen took his leave.

                                 *** 

Erelani awoke to the mother of all headaches, her mouth dry and her memory of the previous night fuzzy at best. She slowly opened her eyes to find a jug and glass of water on her bed stand. Sluggishly she got herself up and drank greedily from the glass, before making her way slowly over to the hearth. Taking the kettle she began to boil its contents while procuring a small amount of herbs for a tea she hoped would clear the ills of the previous night. After a few minutes sipping her tea, she slowly began to feel like herself.

Memories of the night came back to her. Hours in the tavern, drinking that foul liquid. Laughter so much laughter.

Oh god, then Cullen.... Visions of her at his door then nothing. Panic set in as she tried to piece together her evening. She was in his arms being carried, then in bed…. Her heart hammered in her chest as visions of him putting her to bed. Then a flash, _Oh my god I kissed him! I kissed him!_

It was brief and fleeting there was little else she could remember. What could she do now? He knew, how she felt! He knew…. Oh creators, this wasn’t how she had planned things! How could she face him now.

Had she made a horrible fool of herself, had he felt the same?! She had no idea.

Maybe if she just stayed in her chamber for the next month, it would all be forgotten.

She clambered back into her cosy bed and drifted back to sleep.

       ****

“Your worship”, a voice called out Groggily she opened her eyes to find a messenger on her stairs.

“Forgive me, Your Worship, Sister Leilana has called a meeting and asks you to attend immediately” explained the scout!

Erelani froze, so much for her plan of hiding.

The shamed elf had to face Cullen, sooner than she had anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im finally able to move things along in the story, im very very excited as to where this is going to go next!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it <3


	4. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clan lavellan are in mortal peril. Erelani Lavellan and Cullen Rutherford race across the frostbacks to get to them in time.  
> When their mounts tire they must set up camp....fluff, and desire!  
> Would someone give these two a break!  
> Slow burn....

The cool, crisp air of the night was slowly giving way to the gentle golden rays of dawns early light. Skyhold was eerily quiet as Erelani made her way down the long stairway from her chamber to the unoccupied main hall. Unsure of how far word had spread of any shameful drunken antics, the elf curled her narrow shoulders forward bowing her head down as she hurried towards the war room. There was no escape from the uncertainty that flooded her mind. Erelani would have to face him. Quickly she found herself at the familiar large wooden door she paused taking a deep long breath, she felt the heat rising from her cheeks to the tips of her ears the burning sensation in her mind a clear mark of her embarrassment.

Pushing the great door open she walked in, her eyes never leaving the floor as she felt his gaze upon her.

“Inquisitor, I apologise for calling you so early but, I have news of your clan”

Erelani heard the nervousness and worry in the spymaster’s voice. Leliana hid her emotions and tells well but knowing her as well as the elf did, meant she picked up on the concern in her voice. This was not going to be good news. Any lingering concerns of embarrassment quickly dissipated as the spymaster spoke,

Cullen stood next to the spymaster his brow knitted closely together, his face etched in concern as the news was delivered. Tilting his head, he gazed at Erelani sympathetically unsure how best to support her now.

Erelani braced herself for the worst, dread filled her. Her stomach roiled and every second seemed to take an age to pass as the room remained silent. Erelani wrapped her arms around herself and broke the silence.

Softly and quietly she pleaded for news “Please Leliana, what is it? Have you found them? Are they safe?”

The spymaster swiftly moved closer to the table pointing to an area north of Skyhold on the map.

“Your clan are alive-However they are in serious danger. Our scouts have found them a few days from here. It seems they had come to find you, Perhaps word of Haven had reached them?. It appears they were attacked by red templars and have been pushed back into a deep gorge. From what the scouts report they are holding their position well and are at a significant defensive advantage. But they have no escape and supplies are likely dwindling. Maker knows how long they have been there.”

“Lady Inquisitor we have options available to us. There are several noble houses in Jader who have pledged their support, perhaps we could call for aid.” Suggested Josephine

“We also have a small highly trained unit of agents available that can flank and cause a distraction, hopefully giving the clan a chance to escape” added Leilana

“No! We send a significant force immediately. Red templars are not to be trifled with. Leilana-I will need your scouts to give me as much information as you can. We can have soldiers and mages dispatched within the hour. But it will take the force at least a couple of days to get across the Frostbacks to them. Time is precious right now”

Erelani listened intently to her advisors. Grateful and relived that there was indeed hope and that her advisors were doing all they could to help. She closed her eyes and pictured her parents and brother. Hoping and praying to the creators that they were safe. Her muscles tightening, and her jaw clenched ready for what needed to be done.

“My clan are not completely defenceless, we have highly skilled warriors, archers and Deshanna is an incredibly powerful mage. They will not make it easy for the templars. However, there are many who cannot fight, young and old alike. If they are to have a chance, they are going to need all the help they can get!” Erelani explained

“I need to leave at once. I can sneak passed any templars and make it into the gorge with a little magical distraction. From their I will at least be able to bolster up the defences whilst we await reinforcements. I have a Frostback bred hart, who can get me across the mountains in half the time it would take to march. I will not let them die” Erelani said resolutely

“Inquisitor Lavellan. I cannot in good conscience allow you to go alone. The red templars can supress your magic I believe with my knowledge and training I am the best placed to aid you. I can have my best Captain,Rylen arrange the forces and have them marching immediately.  We can take mounts and ride now. Wake the others!” Cullen stated in his authoritative tone

Erelani approved, he was right. “Make your preparations and meet me by the stables in 15 minutes”

Cullen marched off heading straight for Rylen, when he had explained the plan, he quickly made his way to his quarters, grabbing the few necessities he may need. Erelani followed suit, heading quickly up to her chambers to put on her armour, acquire her pack and staff before dashing to the stables.

As the Inquisitor and commander galloped out of Skyhold they heard the place awaken and the buzz of activity as the Inquisition moved to Protect Clan Lavellan.

 *****

The wind whistled and the crisp air bit into their skin as the inquisitor and the commander rode hard across the Frostbacks. Jagged boulders jutted out underneath the deep snow drifts along the narrow mountain path. Yet the sure-footed hart seemed to instinctively know her way, the elf trusting her animal companion every step of the way. Cullen followed closely behind on his war horse, taking great care to follow in the hart’s footsteps. The fear of a fall was not lost on Cullen as he gazed down at the empty dark crevasse to his left. He felt his mouth dry, gripping tighter on to the reins, as he watched in awe the beautiful elf and hart as one, calmly traverse the steep slopes and avalanche paths.

They rode on for many hours in near silence, occasional nods and gestures when necessary. It was clear Erelani had one thing on her mind and her determination showed.  The mountain pass gradually opened up slightly as it veered downwards into a great valley. The temperature rose as they gratefully left the ice and snow behind them.

They had now been travelling at an incredible pace for the better part of the day. Their mounts were visibly slowing and tiring as they neared the end of the pass.

“We need to make camp” admitted the Dalish elf. Her determination and purpose to continue giving way to acceptance that without rested mounts and light, they were putting themselves in more danger and that would certainly not help her clan.

The pair headed slowly into the valley finding shelter and seclusion among the vast and soaring trees that rose up out of the soft umber ground. The light was failing, and they would need to hurry. Cullen dismounted and led his horse to a small spring that babbled gently out of the dark and mossy ground. The smell of damp earth and rotting wood filled the air. The majestic black stallion grateful for the fresh and cold water drank his fill before grazing on the sporadic clusters of dark green grass that grow in the valley. Erelani’s hart followed suit, enjoying the respite and quenching her thirst in turn. Cullen took the pack off his horse and with a little help from the elven mage, quickly set up a small tent. Erelani in her natural enviroment, had found some wood and had a small fire crackling in minutes. They both stood for a while pacing the camp, checking the perimeter and allowing their sore and aching muscles a reprieve from the long and gruelling ride.

As the heavy orange sun began to set for the evening the pair sought the light and heat of the well fuelled fire, taking a few rations out and sharing between themselves quietly. Erelani struggled, she could not find the words she needed in the still and unprecedented moment. In her mind she tried desperately to find words, any words to break the silence and return to normal.

A sudden snap of a twig alerted the pair to movement along the camp, the hart let out a bleet and shook her head and stamped her feet in panic and agitation, warning Erelani and Cullen they were not alone. 

They quickly rose to their feet, weapons drawn and bodies ready for a fray. Erelani gripped her staff tightly around her palm feeling the warmth of the wood grow as her magic flowed through it. She stood steadfast ready to strike down quickly any foe. Cullen’s defensive nature searched the forest around him looking for the source of the sound, his shield placed high and his sword drawn ready for action.

Suddenly a gargantuan bear came barrelling towards them, lips rolled back snarling at the invaders. It’s great roar echoing through the valley as it lunged towards them. Erelani instinctively channelled a warning shot of fire at its feet, hoping a warning would be enough to send the mighty beast back on its way. Instead it seemed to become all the more enraged, its eyes glowing in anger. Cullen bolted at the beast lunging at it with his sword and using his shield to beat back its enormous claws and teeth. Erelani this time channelled her ice spells, hoping to slow the creature down whilst the commander worked at it. The spell hit the bear; great hunks of ice sprang around the ground seizing the creature in place. Erelani took no pleasure in hurting animals and would go out of her way to avoid encroaching on and provoking any creature, especially when in their home. But this beast was filled with rage, its monstorous form unnatural and unnerving. Reports came in frequently of such animals warped and forever tainted by the rifts, it would seem Corypheus had claimed another victim.

There was little to do but take the creature down as its insatiable rage would never cease, it’s tainted heart would never know peace. Erelani blasted it with more ice, slowing it physically yet its fury did not falter. With its enormous paw it managed to knock Cullen off balance and bring a row of sharp large claws across his abdomen. Cullen quickly and deftly got to his feet, lunging down his great sword into the beast its roars reverberated loudly around them. Erelani quickly bought down strikes of lighting shocking and stunning the creature as the commander plunged his sword in to the beast silencing it finally. The sweat dripped from his brow as he caught his breathe, quickly making his way over to the elf who now swiftly made her way to their nervous mounts. Raising her hand up to calm them and reassure them before they bolted.

“That was unexpected! Are you okay?” he asked, helping to secure the creatures.

“I am; however, it looks like you may need a little healing” the elf pointed to the blood stains on the commander’s stomach.

Erelani pointed to the tent and took a medical kit from her pack. “Come on.”

Cullen followed as the rain began to trickle from the heavens.

An inviting soft glow emanated from the single lit lantern as the pair made their way inside the tent, the smell of damp earth and the freshly oiled canvas filled the air. Darkness had already started to descend upon the last remnants of daylight and the sound of hooting owls and the unmistakable clicks and chirps of recently awakened bats echoed through the trees. Inside the warmth of the tent, two bed rolls were laid out upon the ground sheet, heavy darkened woollen blankets rested neatly on top.

Erelani ushered Cullen toward a bedroll, there was little room to move inside as he shifted passed her slowly, his arm brushing hers gently as he held his wound firmly. For a moment they stood face to face closer than they had ever been before. Skin barely touching, yet electricity whirling around them.

Cullen watched the stunning woman standing before him, as she looked up at him her gaze fixed firmly upon him. Those eyes, a beguiling mix of honey and emerald as unusual and mysterious as she was. Her pupils becoming larger and darker as the seconds passed. The delicate maroon ink of her Vallaslin, glowed in the soft lamp light as the tiny dark freckles upon her nose danced upon her flawless porcelain face.   She truly was the most strikingly beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, but it was more than her looks that kept his heart racing and his dreams focused solely upon her. Everything she was emanated wisdom, kindness and compassion, her very aura radiated love and an ethereal beauty he had never known. Cullen couldn’t help but grin at the intensity in her eyes, the sparkle and mischief that her soft smile and quickening breath exposed. There was little doubt now in his mind, she felt the same as he did. How just a night passed, she had needed the bravery of drink to finally reveal herself to him this way. Cullen needed that confirmation, his constant worry that what he had felt was misconstrued. It led to a fear he was reading her feelings wrong. Without that step he doubted he would ever be able to believe she could want him too.

Cullen smiled, as she stared up at his warm golden eyes, the scar on his lip pulled tightly and alluringly in a half smirk, her heart skipped a beat and her breathe caught in her throat at the sudden closeness. He was a good foot taller than she, and his strong broad build made her feel small and delicate. Creators, she wanted so much more, the heat spread through her body as his eyes locked onto hers.

The sudden sound of heavy rain came beating down the canvas, the shift allowed reason to returned to the elf. The commander had been wounded and she snapped back to reality, he needed her help. Unable to see anything except a spreading blood stain, there was little she could do without assessing the damage properly.

Erelani’s cheeks blazed as she instructed Cullen to remove his upper garments. The mage felt the heat spread all the way to her sensative ears.  Cullen did as was instructed a soft playful smirk lined his rugged and gorgeous face, was he aware and enjoying her embarrassment. It certainly seemed so.

 Erelani tried to avert her gaze as he slowly removed his mantle and breast plate, leaving him with his tunic on. The normally shy elf was enthralled and could not look away. Slowly he removed the final layer, revealing a powerful and muscular physique. Years of hard work and vigorous training and discipline etched on every inch of his perfection. Strong defined lines of pure muscle defining his body. Silver scars longing for touch adorned his flesh, a clear indicator of a dangerous life lived. Creators he was glorious. Her mouth watered and her lips parted as her heart hammered in her chest. Her eyes searching over every inch of flesh on display. His defined and broad shoulders and powerful arms, her gaze lingering too long….

They were so close, just an arm’s length away now. His scent lingered in the air, heady musk and oakmoss. An intoxicating promise of his raw masculine power.

_‘Creators I need to focus’_

Cullen lied down upon the bedroll; his wound lay low on his abdomen. His breastplate shielding most of the damage, but the claws had caught a weak spot in his armour. The deep gashes would need to be cleaned and bandaged but her magic would be able to undo most of the damage.

Taking a clean rag and dipping it fresh cool water, she placed it over his skin. Cullen jerked his hips up slightly as the cold water dripped down the side of his hard and exposed body. Erelani bit her lip at the motion and laughed softly.

“Do you find that funny, Lavellan?” he smirked, feigning disapproval.

“Keep still” she replied glad of the break in tension, giving her a chance to do her job before falling to her baser instincts.

She worked swiftly, cleaning any debris out of the wound. Then placing her hands on his hard flesh as she gently let her magic wash over him. The depth of the wounds meant that magic could only do some much and the small barely open gash that was left would need to be bandaged to avoid infection.

She knelt Infront of him as he sat up. Adjusting himself and leaning slightly back on his hand, allowing her access. He watched her curiously, never taking his eyes off her as she lovingly cared for him. Removing a large bandage from her pack, she leant forward and put her arms around him feeling for the other end of the bandage. Her face and breasts pressed close to his broad and powerful chest. Erelani could feel the heat radiating from him, his breath quickening and his heart racing. Her hands ached to touch him, to explore and discover his body. Her laboured breathing forcing her breasts up that pushed further into his taunt and muscular chest. She could feel the tender buds of her full breasts swell and ache for his touch.

Cullen breathed her in deeply as she pressed against him. Elfroot, Sweet berries and untold promise of a wild and untamed adventure. In this moment, life was perfect. They stood on the edge of a precipice… A moment he had waited- what felt like his entire life for. Everything led up to this. He wanted it all, her heart, her secrets, a life together, her touch, her kiss, his body on hers.  

Finishing the bandages, she stood up quickly to catch her breath. Offering Cullen her hand, she motioned to help him to sit up. Willingly accepting her hand, he pulled her down gently toward him. His stare intense and primal, she bit her lip as she began to tremble at his directness. Warmth spread down to her core; she felt the heat began to pool between her thighs as time seemed to slow as he watched her intently.

“Erelani” he whispered as he cupped his hand on her face. Never taking his eyes off.

Their hearts thumped wildly, desire, desperation. This deep and intense moment. Heat poured down his body, aching for her. He leaned forward ready to take the next step.

“Inquisitor! Commander!” came the thick accent of The seeker from outside the tent……

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was so exciting for me to finally write, its been a long time coming to this point but now things begin to get real for both of them. Angst and fluff to come!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Also big thank you for the love! Kudos rock my world <3 <3


	5. Clan Lavellan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inquisition work together to find and protect clan Lavellan. Cullen and Erelani grow closer and significant person from Erelani's passed makes herself known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy chapter, with some violence. A relationship develops and grows.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy my ramblings! x

Cullen’s muscles tensed up, he sighed and clenched his jaw tightly, before muttering _Makers breath._

“Cassandra??” his deep voice called out from the tent in frustration

Cullen closed his eyes and took a deep breathe in. He gazed up at the beautiful elf knelt over him. To be forced to move from this spot was torture. His whole body ached and burned for her in a way he could not fathom.

Her eyes were wide, the surprise and shock of the sudden intrusion was written all over her face. Erelani’s heart thumped widely and her chest tightened. She tried to think quickly but was overcome in their current situation. Panicked she knelt waiting for her body to catch up with her brain and say or doing something.

Cullen smiled at her softly, before giving her a quick nod of reassurance.

“Come on, we can continue this later” he whispered before sliding away and offering her a hand up off, of the bedroll.

The commander strode out confidently, shirtless albeit for the bandage around his waist.

There stood a mixture of familiar faces. Dorian grinning and happily gawking at the topless commander, Bull a smirk of sheer amusement at the sight before him and Cassandra flushed and concerned by the bandages that adorned his abdomen.

“Commander are you hurt? she quickly asked

“I’m fine. We had an unwanted visitor” Cullen motioned over toward the dark and dense foliage around the forest floor where the body of the gargantuan bear lay splayed out on the mossy cold floor.

“I see, and the inquisitor?” she continued

Erelani shuffled her feet out of the tent, her cheeks and ears blazed under the bright moonlit sky as their eyes all fell upon her awkward appearance.

“I am here, Cassandra… I am… umm, glad to see you all.” She said, a half lie.

The spell of the intense and exciting moment they had shared, was now broken, her thoughts quickly returned to her family and responsibility. Her time and chance with Cullen would simply have to wait.

“Our mounts are pretty worn out, we should rest” declared the seeker.

The trio made their way toward the warmth of the fire, Bull made his way over to Erelani and nudged her as subtly as he could before whispering “Finally getting happy, huh boss?”

Erelani face flushed brightly, she could not hide her obvious happiness and excitement as she tried her best to hide the smile that grew upon face.

***

Sunrise was fast approach as the group cautiously made their way slowly through the dense forest path toward the gorge. It wasn’t long before they came upon the first Red Templar sentry, guarding the perimeter of patrol routes and their camp. It took little effort for the group to silence the monstrosity before stealthily making their way to the narrow entrance of the gorge and last known location of Clan Lavellan.

The templars were giving the Dalish a wide berth it would seem, as only a handful of guards were posted in close proximity to the narrow entrance into the gorge. Their camp was a short but ample distance away, with the dim light they were quickly able to get close without alerting the whole group of former templars.

As Erelani expected a magical barrier was already up sealing any chance of entry for the red templars without a big forceful display. Keeper Deshanna would undoubtedly be close by keeping the barrier charged with her talents as templars would surely try to dispel the powerful magic.

With the last sentry’s despatched and her party at the entrance Erelani, channelled her own magic into the barrier, creating a small doorway within it.

“When we walk through, there is a good chance my clan will attack thinking the Templars have broken through. I must be at the front so they can see me and don’t see you as a threat. It will take me a great deal of energy to cut a temporary passage through the barrier. Dorian, could you give us some protection while we break through, or we risk being pierced by countless arrows and blades!”

“Also just let me do the talking” she continued nervously.

True to her word, as the party walked through the barrier, they were met with a wall of Dalish blades and arrows pointed toward them!

“Creators, lower your weapons!” The strong older female elf quickly commanded her clan.

“Erelani, Da’len!” Cried Keeper Deshanna as her fearless and determined eyes softened by the surprising appreance of her first.

Deshanna rushed forward, grabbing at the elf and embracing her as the hunters and warriors quickly rushed toward their lost member.

“We thought you had been lost Da’len” Said the keeper with emotion in her voice, grateful that her fears were unjust.

Before Erelani could reply she was pulled backward into a warm embrace.

“Asa'ma'lin, you have been missed! We heard about Haven…I, we never thought we would see you again!”

Cullen watched on curiously as a familiar looking archer wrapped long lithe arms around Erelani. He stood an inch or two taller than the mage, yet the resemblance was uncanny. The same high cheek bones and complexion, the ethereal good looks and warm eyes. The only difference was their hair.  was longer, braided down his back and its shade lighter than hers.

Before Erelani had a chance to respond, a great wave of heat came toward the barrier. The icy remnants of fade magic shimmered and quaked under the abrupt onslaught of templar powers.

“Positions!” Roared Keeper Deshanna as the welcome was cut short.

“They are coming Erelani, get behind our lines. We will protect you!”

“Eman nar dhru” (Do I have your trust?) implored Erelani as she looked toward her inspiring leader

Deshanna nodded “Emas emma dhru da’len”(You have my faith child)

“Commander, a strategy?”

Cullen rushed forward, his hand on the pommel of his sword.

“Archers, Warriors. We must further narrow their entry, taking out as many as we can before we are over run. Mages remember to stay well back they still have their templar abilities.”

Cullen quickly instructed the Dalish and his companions into a defensive formation using the natural landscape to their advantage.

The mages and archers holding the back of the lines, a torrent of arrows and spells at the ready.

Another blast of heat came through the barrier this time dispelling it completely.

The formation held fast as the templars were forced through their lines in single file. Cries and roars echoed through the deep gorge as the sound of metal and battle rang out loudly around them.

Ten, twenty, thirty…. They kept coming.

Without warning an enormous monstrous mutated templar came running through, cutting through the line of warriors with ease. Quickly Cullen, Cassandra and Bull ran toward it slashing and bashing with sword and shield, making sure none of the knocked down elves would fall prey to it. The Dalish quickly worked to regain their formation and aid the humans and Qunari allies. Arrows rained down upon the creature. The mages power surged through the air, as spell after spell came crashing down upon the horror, it shrill scream piercing and haunting as it finally fell.

The templars were now pouring in.

“Fall back in line, circle them!” shouted Cullen as a swarm of angry red creatures marched into the gorge.

Cassandra, Bull, and Cullen now side by side as they ushered the Dalish toward the swelling templar numbers. Quickly encircling them as they made their way in. All hacking and slashing as unending numbers swarmed in.

They were greatly outnumbered but the Dalish fought bravely, with great skill and prowess. Her people fought more fiercely than Cullen ever imagined. Slowly they pushed through the swarm cutting them down, narrowing their entry. Until one broke through the line dashing toward the mages with such dark, twisted hate and anger in his face. With his blade drawn he ran straight toward Deshanna, who stood in his direct path. Arrows and spells came hurtling toward it trying desperately to knock it down, but it didn’t seem to feel them as pure malice drove it forward. Deshanna stood resolutely without fear as she summoned the earth itself toward the creature, great chunks of rock and earth forming in her grasp. The  hurtling mass merely jolted the creature, slowing it for a second before he raced towards her once more.

There was no time left Erelani channelled everything she had into the alien power that flowed through her. Channelling the fade and rift magic alike, the strange ancient magic searing through her body agonisingly. She Charged toward Deshanna, knocking her keeper out the way as the beast sank his blade into Erelani’s shoulder forcing her to scream out in pain. It drew up its blade ready to sink its metal into her a second time. Her magic now at its strongest she poured everything into the creature, green heat and light burned through its body as ripples from the fade tore through its flesh, in a bright blast the creature was obliterated torn limb from limb.

Cullen watched on in horror as he saw her go down, and then the green light emanating around her. Cullen fought harder, unable to shake of the feeling of dread of losing her. He roared angrily as he cut down wave after wave of what were once his kin, trying desperately to get to her.

Quickly the strong and protective mage got to her feet, blood seeping from her shoulder, as she screamed with fury at the assailants. She dashed to her keepers side, making sure she wasn’t hurt, and uttered a quick whisper. Deshanna nodded at her before he felt the air around him change.

Deshanna and Erelani’s eyes darkened as they channelled their power together, the sky itself seemed to darken and the air around the become humid as sudden huge strikes of lighting came down from the heavens. The strikes were bright intense flashes of heat and terror, taking out numerous templars in unison, each strike jumping to a new target.

Her power and fury were such a force of will, there was little doubt to why she was leading the inquisition. Cullen’s fear of magic and mages had not altogether gone away but watching her protect her family with such heroic spirit made him feel so incredibly proud to be part of this, to be a part of her.

The sudden bellow of a horn rang out behind them as the sounds of angry cries and metal rang out behind the narrow entry. Cullen knew what this meant. The templars around them seemed confused and scared, they fought back harder and ceaselessly in desperation.

“Now, drive them back. Give them everything you have got” he rallied once more

Behind enemy lines, Rylen flanked them. The templars had no idea there were reinforcements coming, dozens of inquisitions soldiers took down the throng, pushing them further and further into a frenzied huddle.

With all exits blocked the templars were doomed, the inquisitions and the Dalish worked in unison now cutting down the dwindling forces, until there was nothing left.

A cry of cheers in Elvish rang out as the battle came to its thrilling conclusion. Quickly the elf’s tended to the injured. Miraculously aside from numerous wounds not a soul was lost from the Dalish or the inquisition forces.

“Da’len you have certainly grown stronger!” came the joyful call of Deshanna as she studied the wound on her protégée. “This will need healing, and some help from your father”

Erelani nodded, eternally grateful to her friends and her inquisition in saving her family, her clan.

“Keeper I’d like for you to meet Cullen…erm Commander Cullen, our forces leader and military advisor” she smiled brightly ushering Cullen closer to her keeper her hands on his as she led him closer.

“And the Lady, Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, Dorian and the Iron Bull. Some of my closest companions.” She continued

“A pleasure to meet you all. I am honoured to be in the company of those who have aided our first. We are however very sorry to have put you all in such danger. But when we heard the news of Haven, we could no longer sit idly by” stated Deshanna

“Erelani, we thought we had lost you, we heard you were buried under a mountain of ice and snow. But my heart refused to believe you were gone. We came as one to give what we can to this cause. Too long have we hidden away from the troubles of man, yet we find them on our doorstep. As a clan we made a decision, we pledge our services to your inquisition, in whatever forms you will accept.” Stated the keeper before continuing

“I am only sorry that our arrival has caused such upheaval and could have cost you dearly. I feel whatever this was, it was an ambush.”

“I agree a force of that size could have challenged your clan at any time, they were waiting for you” agreed Cullen as he looked over to Erelani

“As I suspected. I am sorry for putting you all in such danger. You must all be weary, come let us tend to your wounds and feast. There is much to discuss” said Deshanna as she led the group toward the camp at the back of the gorge.

“Ryalar!” cheered Erelani as her brother made his way over to this group.

“You fought well sister. Mamae and Babae are camped back here! Come!” he beckoned

Erelani upped her pace considerably as she made her way toward the back of the camp.

“Come, I will show you around” said Keeper Deshanna to Erelani’s companions as the elf made her way to her family.

Her companions understood the need for Erelani to reunite with her family and willingly followed Deshanna.

“Mamae! Babae!!” Erelani called out as she saw her parents running toward her, both their eyes full of tears.

“Blessed Creators, its true! Erelani Da’len!”

The tears flowed as did the lengthy eager embraces as the family of four enjoyed a private moment together, the first they had had in close to a year. Erelani caught them up to speed with all that had happened, being careful to emit the most upsetting or scary details, afraid of worrying her parents more.

Wounds were healed and with the immediate threat now passed the clan were to come together to eat and give thanks to the creators.

*

Erelani’s party had been given a full tour, introductions were made to all. Some of those they met addressed the strangers with caution but the Elvhen seemed grateful and happy with their presence. After a chance to get cleaned up and healed and sort the troops out, Cullen and  companions were ushered into Keeper Deshanna’s Aravel, were she asked many questions about Erelani’s life and duties and her part in the Inqusition. The keeper listening intently to each of the companions tell tales and give her the answers she sought.

It was quickly decided they would stay for the night and travel in the morning. The evening meal and celebrations would give everyone chance to celebrate, rest and prepare for clan Lavellan’s journey to Skyhold.

Cullen sat around the fire with the rest of the companions, were soldiers and the clan gathered together peacefully. Happy elvhen children laughed and sang songs in Elvish as they played joyfully around the strangers.

Catching his eye, she came walking like dream through the camp. Beside her a beautiful older Elvhen woman, whose high cheek bones and eyes shone brightly like hers. Her father whose pale complexion mirrored his daughters walked on the other side. He strode, smiling proudly as his daughter held onto each of them. Her brother happily next to his mother, a beautiful sight. He noticed she had changed her clothes and now wore elegant dalish attire. A beautiful adorned tunic over simple leggings. Green, earthy hues and cream tones, bringing out the colour of her eyes and complexion.  her hair was braided and hung down her left shoulder, her feet bare. She glowed, she looked so different among her kin, happy and carefree. She was striking, utterly striking. His breathe caught in his throat, and a smile tugged on his lips. He could not take his eyes off her.

“You two are close, I gather?” asked Deshanna.

“I erm…well,,,erm yes. In a manner” Coughed Cullen embarrassed by the keeper catching him staring. He did not know how best to answer the question, his nerves and guilt getting the better of him.  

“We are good friends, she… erm… is a good friend” he stammered

“I see” she smiled simply

As the reunited family made their way into the camp, the elvhen children squealed in delight as they saw her. Running to her, she dropped to her knees, giving each of them hugs and reassuring words in her mother tongue. Cullen watched on enthralled at the display. For a second his mind took him to a place he could only dream of; her belly swollen carrying his child, whilst a golden-haired little girl sat in her mothers’ arms. _Her as his wife, and their beautiful children. Maker such thoughts_. His heart longed for so much more with her.

With the children holding onto her and following her round she made her way to the centre of the camp, soon she was circled by the whole clan as they each took turns in embracing her and welcoming her home. Could he ever ask her to give this up for him? Would they even accept him and her? Such thoughts troubled him, they had yet to share a real kiss. Yet here he was torturing himself with improbable fantasies.

He put his head down and tried to calm his mind.

“Cullen, id like you to meet my family” came the familiar voice behind him.

He quickly jumped to his feet.

“My apologies, forgive me, I was miles away. It is a pleasure to meet you all, Erelani has told me so much about you” he said as he gently bowed before them

Erelani chuckled at Cullen’s awkwardness

“This is my brother Ryalar!, Mamae, Babae this is Cullen” excitedly

“It is a pleasure to meet you Commander, Erelani has told us lots about you. We are grateful to have someone, as kindly and honourable looking out for our daughter. You may call me Arilon” said her father

“Thank you, and you many of course call me Cullen. It is an honour being able to serve your daughter. Erelani has been integral to our efforts, I cannot imagine what we would do without her. She truly is special. You must be very proud” he beamed

“Our daughter says much the same about you Cullen. I am Sylvari, come join us in celebration” said her mother as she grabbed Cullen’s arm, pulling him down to sit with them around the great fire.

Erelani smiled at him so sweetly, her cheeks flushed as her family welcomed him into the fold. Even her normally cautious and wary brother warmed to him quickly asking questions upon questions of Skyhold and Haven. The celebrations soon began, tales of old spoken and songs were sung. Many got up and danced as they feasted, a sense of joy and community spirit enveloping all around them. Mead was shared freely as Cullen and the others were all welcomed into the clan.

“Walk with me a moment?” came the request from Deshanna as she approached the mage and her family.

The keeper and her first slowly walked away from the celebrations finding some peace further into the valley.

“We have for too long kept to the old ways without looking forward. I meant what I said earlier, clan Lavellan will give to this cause whatever we can. When this is over, we will then go back to our path. Knowing that we did all we could.”

“The world is dangerous keeper I worry deeply for you all. Though, there are few places I would feel happy sending you with the state of Thedas. We would gratefully welcome you into our home. There is much our kind can bring and with it much wisdom and knowledge.”

Erelani and Deshanna took time to make their way around the camp checking in on the clan, her companions, Captain Rylen and the inquisition soldiers who all happily and sat eating and drinking alongside her kin, before their morning march to Skyhold. The hour grew late and as the moon shone high in the sky, calm and quiet slowly grew over the camp,

***

Erelani found Cullen drinking tea with her family, fully engrossed in conversation. He sat on the floor looking natural and happy. The beautiful mage beamed from ear to ear, there he was this human man she was truly falling for sat sipping from dainty Dalish cups with her family in their aravel.

“I see you’ve been keeping my commander busy Mamae and Babae?” Erelani smiled

Her parents smiled at her knowingly.

“Of course my sweet, but the hour is late and we have a long journey tomorrow. We shall retire. We look forward to hearing more of your tales in the moro Cullen” smiled her mother kindly.

“It is good to have you home. Erelani you know where the blankets are. Sleep well both. Good night.” Replied Arilon

Erelani paused for a moment, did her parents see right through them? Nothing had happened. Yet they had invited him to stay with them…She brushed the thoughts aside.

“Some fresh air and a night cap commander?”

Cullen smiled at her and got to his feet “I’d like that”

“I seem to recall a promise of real wine to you” she teased

“I need to quickly let Rylen know what the plan is tomorrow and check on our troops. Can you give me a few minutes? I’ll meet you here shortly”

“Of course, I’ll just grab a bottle and see you soon”

Cullen made his way quickly through the camp to update Rylen as quickly as he could to get back to her. He never expected to meet her family under these circumstances and not only that to be welcomed by them. These were not the Dalish he had heard or read about.

**

Erelani made her way back toward the aravel with her promise. Having Cullen here with her family was like a dream come true. She could never imagine, in any other circumstance it going quite so well and them being as welcoming and accepting of outsiders. She dared to hope that if things were to finally happen and work out between him and her, clan Lavellan would accept them. A human and an elf.  It seemed a lot to hope on, yet here they were ready to aid.

****

Bottle in hand, and a smile on her face the mage made her way back to the aravel, her mind returning to her time in the tent with Cullen. Thoughts racing at how that could have played out, a million scenarios flooding her senses and making heat seer through her. His body, his eyes on her, the playful and yet surprising assertiveness she had never imagined he displayed. She bit her lip, eager to return to him.

“Erelani” came a familiar voice

The mage felt her stomach churn, her jaw clench up tightly. Anxiety gripping her like a vice. That sweet voice, once the source of her desire and the keeper of her heart. Then pain and distance. Now almost a stranger. The past resentments suddenly giving way to panic and apprehension.

“Erelani… Vhenan, can we talk?” came the, almost whisper from the once familiar lips.

Erelani slowly turned around taking in the beautiful woman before her. Piercing large emerald eyes stared up at her, the maroon ink of her Vallaslin drawing out the depth of her stare., Her soft face and attractive features framed by her long raven hair. Time had not changed her, she was still as beautiful as ever.

Erelani, froze.  The repetition of her words sending waves of alarm and confusion to her mind. Vhenan?!

“Cerine, it has been a while. It is good to see you again. What do you wish to speak of ma falon?” she finally replied.


	6. Unraveled Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Clan Lavellan safe and well, Cullen and Erelani attempt to finally get their feelings out in the open. But the past refuses to lie and threatens to cut the pair apart.

Amongst the trees and rocks of the valley, the makeshift camp was quiet in the late hour, bar a few inquisition soldiers and Dalish fighters sat drinking quietly under the inky black star lit sky. A hard-fought battle won, the hopes of all lifted and the cementing of new bonds raised everyone’s spirits. Tomorrow would certainly be an interesting and long day, escorting the Dalish back to Skyhold. Most slumbered, their first proper peaceful night’s rest since they had travelled to find their lost first. With no immediate threats and a small army around them, the Dalish were finally able to relax and recuperate.

Yet one such elf had quietly waited for the right time to talk and approach her lost love. Cerine had watched on curiously from the earlier celebrations at the campfire, the helpful strangers amongst her clan and the human man who now seemed to consume most of Erelani’s time. Finally, Erelani was alone, and her window was there. Almost a year had passed since they had been forced to part and whilst Cerine had thought Vetria was all she wanted, seeing the woman, she had once promised her life to again stirred up everything. Erelani was different now, the way she held herself, the display of power on and off the battlefield, even the way she spoke commanded authority and respect around her. It was intoxicating and Cerine now faced the reality and regret of her decision she had made all those months ago.

Erelani had given little thought to Cerine in months, which surprised her greatly considering the time and emotion the woman had played in her past. And yet here she stood forced to confront her demons.

Cerine bent her head down, her hands fumbling, as she tried her best to compose herself and find the right words. She took a deep breath, her hands finally finding comfort and protection around her hard and unsettled stomach. She peered up with piercing emerald eyes full of emotion. Swallowing hard she tried to force down the lump she felt in her throat before finally speaking.

“I’m sorry. I am sorry from the depths of my heart ma vhenan.”

She took a small step forward toward Erelani her hands extended out in hope of a long-missed touch.

Erelani confused and alarmed by the sudden omission instinctively took a step back and away from her, her hands up defensively shielding herself from the unexpected and unwanted contact.

“Please Cerine, what has happened has since passed and as I said to you in my letter. I understand what you did. I could not have honestly expected you to hang on waiting for me forever. You deserve a life of happiness and security. We both know I was never going to be able to give that to you.” Erelani explained as calmly and as rationally as she was able under the surprising confession.

“Vetria was a mistake…. I missed you so much. I couldn’t cope with the thought of never seeing you again. I took solace and comfort in the arms of another“ Cerine whispered her voice cracking under the strain of emotion she tried to hide.

She paused before continuing “Seeing you again…. I realise how foolish and wrong I was. Sending you away to them after all they had done to you broke me. I imagined you dead, for weeks I was plagued by nightmares. I never thought I’d see you again. I just couldn’t cope with being alone. I was desperate and stupid”

Erelani’s face softened and her body relaxed slightly “I gave you my heart and my promise. But it wasn’t enough. I think the creators knew our paths were destined to part. That’s why you did what you did, and I somehow ended up here in the inquisition”

Cerine took a deep breath in and motioned to the bottle in Erelani’s hand. “Do you remember our nights under the stars, sipping that straight from the bottle. Making love until dawn and the certainty of a future before all of this happened. Ma vhenan, do you remember your promise to me? Our own aravel and a happy life together?” tears pooled in her eyes.

“I remember that final night, I relive it over and over in my mind. Our heart’s-breaking at the sudden news, we were both frightened and scared. We huddled together clinging to each other desperately before this thing tore us apart. Your touch, your kiss, the way I always felt loved and safe with you” said Cerine as she tucked a stray hair away from her beautiful face

“Cerine, it has been months since you made your decision. What of Vetria?” asked Erelani now standing with her arms folded across her chest. Surprise and emotion in her voice

The raven-haired elf gasped, choking back the tears that now began to flow down her face.

“We are bonded.” She sobbed “ I made my bond with her. But how could I still not feel the same way for you, when you arrived it was like nothing had ever changed” she said wrapping her arms around herself trying to comfort the loss and heartache she felt.

“You are all my heart desires. Please take me back, I vow to spend my days in restitution, proving to you my love and devotion. I will make you happy” Cerine pleaded

“I stayed loyal and faithful to you. I made a vow, you were the one who broke it. We both knew the risks and I could never have imagined hurting you. I see now though that what happened was for the best. You are bonded to Vetria, you have made her a promise. Do not break her heart Cerine”

“Please ma vhenan, please take me back”

Cerine stepped forward, a desperate plea in her eyes. She took Erelani’s hands in hers and stepped closer.

In a desperate attempt Cerine leaned forward and lay a gentle kiss on Erelani’s lips, for a brief second Erelani stood shocked and confused. Erelani could not have imagined this could ever have happened, there was of course a part of her that longed for and missed Cerine. The familiarity and comfort of home and the past. There was no denying she had certainly loved her deeply and her promise had been true. But since the betrayal there was little doubt now that despite their history and connection their relationship was at an end.

“No” Erelani stepped away pushing her hands up in defence and amplifying her need of space

“Cerine, no I can’t. I won’t. Things are different now, I have changed and moved on. There is someone else”

Cerine’s eyes flashed with anger and jealousy. “What? Who…? Who is she?”

Erelani closed her eyes and took a long deep breathe.

“He. He is here now” Erelani explained cautiously

“He…? But?” countered Cerine confused

“Cerine,. This may be hard to explain and understand but it is the person whom I am attracted to. Had he been female it would not have mattered. Same as if you had been or identified as anything other than female. It’s hard to explain, but it’s always the person”

Cerine’s brow furrowed as she tried to understand what Erelani meant, for her there was no question. Her attraction was only ever towards females, she had assumed the same was true for Erelani.

“How can you say that? When we kiss you too feel the depth and tenderness, the passion. I have never felt anything like it since or before. What we had…”

“What we had; it has gone. You made your choice as I have mine.”                              

Unsure if it was stubbornness or a refusal to let her go Cerine took a another step forward this time putting her hand softly to Erelani’s face, then quickly kissing her on her full lips again only this time with more force and need.

“I will never stop fighting for you” she whispered breathlessly

“I’m sorry, but no this is wrong. I am in love with Cullen” said Erelani stepping back for the final time. Shocked at her own admission, saying out loud giving her more power and truth in her admission. It was real, it was love.

“The human, The templar?! Are you insane? Him….. He is not even Elvhen. You betray your people, it is forbidden” she raged disgusted by the news.

“I do not ask for you to understand my attachment and what we may have. I merely ask for you to respect my choice and allow me closure from what we once had”

“Does he make you feel like I once did? Does he know your body or the touch only a woman can give you like I once did? Does he love you like I do? What future can he provide for you? Vhenan! What will he do when this is all over, put you in a circle, put your kin in alienage’s?” Demanded Cerine horrified by the thought of her love in so much danger.

“You remember what those monsters did to you, to Arla and your mamae?! They are using you, once this is done, they will sweep you up under the carpet and conveniently forgot what you did for them as they have always done.”

“Fenedhis Erelani, he is a templar!”

“Do you think I haven’t thought these things over and over. That I haven’t thought of the risks and what could happen, how you would all react?! Cullen is not like those shemlen, he is good, kind and his heart is pure.” Erelani stated. Though doubt and uncertainty plagued her mind. He still had a fear of mages and they had never agreed on how to handle and change things for the better. Erelani swallowed her doubts down, angry and frustrated at the attack on the man who had changed everything.

“You have lost you right to counsel me Cerine. You broke my heart, when I was a million miles away from home. For months the only thing that kept me going and gave me strength was knowing I’d see you again, and that my sacrifice would benefit us all. You changed that. There is no us. We will always have our memories, but there will never be anything between us again. Now, go home to your wife!” snapped Erelani frustrated and angry.

“Erelani!” Cerine begged.

“No! Leave me.” Warned Erelani as she turned and walked away quickly. She made her way back to the aravel where she hoped Cullen would be waiting.

*****

Cullen had made his way to Rylen as quickly as possible. The excitement of Erelani’s promise kept his pace fast, the thought of her made his heart ache with joy

“Good Evening Ser. I see you’ve been busy Commander” welcomed Rylen

“My apologies, though you have done excellent work Captain. How are things?”

“All things considered very good. We made record time over the Frostbacks and thankfully so, that was quite a force of red templars. Our troops are fed, healed and are enjoying the peace and promise of a new day after victory and such hospitality”

“Good. We need to start heading out after dawn, there are children and elders amongst our charges so great care will need to be taken. We cannot take the same path over the Frostbacks we will need to find a safer route round which will take us a few days longer. The inquisitor and her companions will head straight back over the pass, the end of the world won’t wait. So it is upto us to get her people back . The risk of attack and ambush is still high and we cannot let that happen again. We must escort them safely back to Skyhold. I fear what the inquisitor would do if we didn’t show the Dalish our best” Cullen laughed

“Be a crazy man to risk her ire, she is quite a woman” smiled Rylen

“Her clan, they are not exactly what I expected. I assumed she was a bit of a maverick amongst her kin, but it seems her whole clan are far more welcoming and kinder than I ever anticipated.” He continued

Cullen nodded in agreement “I too am surprised, everything I had ever heard about these people made them out to be hostile and intolerant of outsiders, particularly human ones. It seems we were all wrong”

“I will need you to lead some of the troops from the rear, should we be ambushed we can put a good number around the vulnerable. Between our forces and the Dalish, we should be safe, though I do not want to take any chances. “

“Understood Commander”

“Thank you, Rylen. If there is nothing else, I have somewhere to be be”

Rylen smiled, everyone saw how the commander looked at the inquisitor and how when she thought nobody was looking, she would do the same. “Enjoy your evening, you deserve it” Rylen quipped

Cullen simply nodded sheepishly before making his way to his pack he had left with his horse before he was able to return to her. Once he found his mount among the halla and harts he routed around in his pack until he found what he was looking for. Gently removing the soft silk he inspected it carefully. the coin his brother had given him now delicately and beautifully attached as a pendant on a simple silver chain. He had quietly asked Dagna if she could enchant and make something for the inquisitor. He had held onto it for weeks, waiting for the right time to give it to her. After reading about the courting rituals the Dalish did he wanted to make his intention clear and a sentiment thoughtful to her heritage and rites. Dagna had far surpassed his expectation, the silver chain was strong though fine and elegant. Dalish and common script were inscribed on the back of the coin in delicate flowing hand. ‘Ma Vhenan. My heart. Always’

Tonight, he would finally tell her how he felt, he would give her this small token something he had held onto since he was a child. Something unique and so personal to him, a strong and symbolic gesture he hoped she would understand its significance. There was no denying he loved her and now aside from the threat of death and war there was nothing stopping him expressing it.

Eagerly he made his way through the camp, to her families aravel when he noticed the familiar face of the beautiful elvhen, talking to another woman in the distance. He smiled and picked up his pace hoping to surprise her when he noticed the woman she was talking to move forward with her hand on Erelani’s face, before moving closer to kiss her.

The sight before him made him feel sick to his stomach, his whole body shook, unable to comprehend what he was seeing. Cullen span around on his heel turned and made his way back to where the soldiers camped.

How could he be so stupid, he was not worthy of her, she obviously had somebody else here. He was a fool to ever think a wretch like him would ever be lucky enough to be with her. Had he imagined it all, had he read things differently, she was of course drunk the only time she had admitted anything. Even the previous night it was him that had initiated things, not her. Embarrassment hurt and a sudden sadness overcame him. His stomach twisted and heart ached, how could he let it happen. He really was a fool.

***

Erelani paced outside the aravel, the hour had come and gone and there was no sign of Cullen. Perhaps he had been delayed, he always had so much to do and more reports to write. Her previous encounter with Cerine had left her feeling overwhelmed, her mind raced going over and over the scenario in her mind. There was little doubt in her mind that Cullen was whom she wanted to be with. After the next hour came and went Erelani decided to go look for him.

Eventually she found him packing up his gear in preparation for the morning.

“Where have you been hiding? I could really do with sharing that bottle. You wouldn’t believe the night I’ve had!” she said then sighed heavily

“I’m really busy right now. Ive got to prepare for the morning, and you’ve got a treacherous ride over the frost backs. Go spend the night with your family Erelani” he said with a degree of distance in his voice.

“Erm okay…, sorry Cullen. I didn’t think. Perhaps we can talk before we part ways in the morning?” she said gently

“In the morning” he muttered as he turned his back and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a difficult chapter to write, angst is hard! For the record there will always be more fluff to come!
> 
> Thank you for reading, my humble drabblings. x


	7. Distrorted Views

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erelani comes clean to her clan, that she cant guarntee her return, she also confess's her feelings for the human commander.
> 
> Cullen thought he had it all, everything was going so well. Until that fateful walk into the woods. How could he have been so foolish. He closes himself off to her. Not realising how badly he has misjudged the situation.

“Keeper Do you have a minute?” Erelani called out through the thin wooden door, her breath hitched in her throat and her soft hands nervously searched to find some purchase in their futile fumbling’s. The door to the aravel gently swayed open as Keeper Deshanna smiled brightly at the familiar woman who stood before her.

“Of course, please come in Da’len” the aging elf’s eyes shone under the soft glow of the moonlight, as she extended her long tanned arm in open invitation to the unexpected visitor.

“I’m sorry, it’s so late Keeper, truly. But…there is something I need to discuss with you before I am parted from you all once more. Creators know how busy we will all be come the morn. If you will permit me your time of course.”

Deshanna made her way over to the far wall of the aravel, where a steaming copper pot of water laid upon an enchanted hot stone. Taking two cups she added herbs and poured the boiling water.

“I sense we may need this” she said as she offered one of the cups to her first.

“What troubles you?”

Erelani took a deep breath, and bit her fleshy lips, unsure how best to proceed with what she needed to articulate. Cupping her hands around the warmth of the mug, she inhaled the aromatic blend of herbs as the steam rose up toward her freckled nose.

“I am struggling to find the words, I need” she confessed as her stomach tightened.

“My child, you know me wholly, as I know you. There are no secrets or fears between us. No matter what it is I will always listen. Please trust in that” she said calmly and warmly.

“I do not think I am going to come back from this” she said matter of factly, as she opened up her hand, displaying the glowing sickly green alien magic that she had been marked with.

“I feel it’s force growing slowly every day, a power that was never meant for me. I know, not how long my body will endure it. If the end comes, I need to know that you are all going to be fine without me. Whether it is by this, or by that monster. My clan will be safe.” Erelani’s composure began to fail her slightly as the pain she felt in her throat threatened to turn to tears. The guilt laying heavy over her chest, she could not fail her family. To protect them was all she knew.

Deshanna nodded, her eyes full of sorrow.

“I admit, that I never could have imagined anything like this happening. That I would I willingly send you into harm’s way, for that I am sorry. Though through everything life has sent you, you have always endured and come out stronger. You alone were meant for this path child; however difficult it is. However, I understand what you are saying. What you must risk, your very life is now not just for the safety of your clan, but for the very world as we know it. You are now bigger than the first of clan Lavellan da’len, and though it pains me greatly I realise the creators must surely have other plans for you.”

“When this is over, Mythal guide us all…. I pray we will find a way to beat this. My heart tells me this mark will not be your undoing.” She continued taking hold of Erelani’s outstretched glowing hand and squeezing it gently in reassurance.

“The shemlen will hold you up on a pedestal for a time, they will look to you for stability and hope. Your service to them will not likely stop just by defeating this evil. Your life and duty must change for the greater good. Though we miss you greatly, what you do may change the tide for all Elvhen of Thedas” Deshanna affirmed.

Erelani knew her keeper was wise beyond her years, yet her intuition and progressive thinking had never ceased to amaze her. Although, the weight of the world and all its responsibility were now very firmly placed upon the mage’s shoulders, not just by the humans she had met and fought with but by her family too. The life she had once known was forever changed. It was time to let go of the obligations of her past. The mark had changed everything, there was no going back.

“Erelani, you will not have to carry this burden alone, you have your clan and your newfound friends and family now by your side. We will not see you suffer, clan Lavellan, mean what they say when we will aid in your efforts all we can”

Erelani smiled “Cullen says the same thing, I’m blessed to have such strength around me. I am so pleased you will be coming to Skyhold, it will certainly help me sleep better” she admitted, a small smile lighting up her pretty pale face.

“Your commander certainly is protective of you, he is an honourable man. What you, he,.. all of you did for us today…”

“He really is… My Keeper there is something else, something I must tell you. I am falling for him… for Cullen. I never expected it to happen especially thinking I was going to come home to Cerine eventually .. I know what this means to our people, but I have fought for months with these feelings and the inner conflict it has bought, but I think there is something real there. It may not mean much, but time right now is precious. I have a real desire to see this through”

Erelani held her breathe, waiting for the fallout of her confession.

 “Ive seen the way he looks at you, like a love stuck pup. I do not doubt for a minute he does not feel the same. Tell me, Erelani does that path seem like the right one? When you left, I too imagined you returning to us and finally settling down with Cerine. Alas, I don’t think she was able to cope without you. She spent weeks in isolation, terrified of what may happen to you. I believe she sought comfort and desperation in Vetria, though I certainly had no idea where that time spent was leading. For what it may be worth, I believe she regrets what she rushed into and seeing you here now will make that all the harder for her. But your paths were not meant to remain intertwined. Perhaps this is why” Deshanna pondered

“As for an elf and a human, for our people it is a great loss. But for uniting two worlds, it is not only diplomatically beneficial and politically smart, it will also cement a bond between our people” she continued.

“Honestly, my feelings may be premature, but I think he feels the same way for me, I can’t explain it. I feel the very forces around us are pushing us together. I have never felt such a drive. I cant imagine now how things would have worked between me and Cerine but honestly a part of me was greatly relieved when she finally wrote me. I feel inexplicably drawn to him, despite everything”

“Then Da’len you must see it through, your life is unpredictable and dangerous. Love carries us through the darkest of times, if you believe he is worthy and will accept you for all you are and give you himself wholly. You carry my blessing”

Tears pooled in the younger mage’s eyes at the surprising acceptance.

“Keeper, thank you, you have no idea what this means to me!” beamed Erelani.

“Da’len, go be happy before your pulled away once more! Now if there is nothing else I would be glad of a restful sleep, Goodnight Erelani” she said kindly before wrapping her lithe arms around her former first and  gently ushering her out of the door.

                                                                    ***

For the first time in weeks Cullen felt the painful throb of his withdrawals return. He lay down upon the cold floor of his makeshift tent. Nausea hit hard as the vision from earlier haunted him. The woman he was falling for, he had thought had felt the same way. The unwanted memory intensified. Seeing the closeness and intimacy, with the stranger, the woman’s hand on Erelani’s face before she kissed her.

How could he have been so stupid, to imagine that she could ever see him as something more. That she would not have left someone behind. He felt as if someone had stolen his future, his dreams. This was not the first time he had allowed his fantasies to run away with him. The gut-wrenching horror of Kinloch flashed before his eyes. He had vowed from then to keep his heart closed.

Real intimacy was lost on Cullen, he contemplated back to all the woman who had been part of his life. Laė, now the hero of Fereldan. The days spent watching over her, the sideways glances and her sweet smile, how he had run to the hills when she finally tried to initiate anything. And yet how his foolish hidden desires had caused him the greatest torture at Kinloch. The demon who had plundered his wildest fantasies that a circle mage and templar could be something more. The shame of how he treated her after the catastrophe still haunted him. And now Laė, had sought love and happiness with the inquisitions spy master Leliana.  The women parted by war and circumstance were deeply in love. How he craved it with Erelani. Cullen knew that his time in the circle was different he was young and infatuated, it was never meant to be, but the deep regret of never apologising to her or letting her know how sorry he was had never left him. There were times when he wanted to approach Leliana, to get a message across, to let Laė know he was sorry from the bottom of his heart. But it was not appropriate, he was here in a professional capacity to show such weakness, to involve her lover. No it was absurd. It was another shame he buried deep down.

His time in Kirkwall had been little better, he took his position and station seriously. Pooling everything into his work and duty. There were of course a few wild flings and nights amongst the others in the order. But nothing more than empty, hollow meaningless sex. He had resigned any thought of happiness and of love. Duty was always his priority. But after Erelani, things had changed in him.

His thoughts turned to her, hope and hurt, love and grief. He had been so stupid to think that she would want the same future. Perhaps he was now the empty fling she had wanted to get her through the months away from her home. He bit down into himself searching for that inner strength and resolve that had given him his infamous steely façade. Yet all he felt was broken and lost.

A few hours had changed everything, his future, his life.A wild fantasty that he had imagined. He could never have anticipated how much this Dalish elf had affected him, now he needed to let go of all those hopes and dreams. Commander Cullen Rutherford, had a duty, a promise to keep and he would see it through.

                                                                                                                                     ***

The first light of dawn crept over the rocky steep crevices of the valley around them, the camp was a bustle of activity as The Inquisition and Clan Lavellan readied themselves for the journey to Skyhold.  

Erelani had spent her first few hours of the morning with her family, preparing them for what Skyhold would offer and how she would return to them all once she had concluded with the next mission. Leaving her family this time was so much easier, she knew they not only had the protection of the inquisition, but Cullen would make sure they were looked after and settled. It gave her strength, knowing she would not have to worry for their safety any longer. Skyhold would keep them safe. With a silent prayer to the creators she made her way toward her forces.

Erelani had barely gotten out of the aravel when walking towards her, with jubilant faces and open arms were Shianni, Nerien and Yaren. Not only were these her greatest friends, they were her research and exploration team before she had to leave for Haven. Shianni was a stunning blue eyed and ashen haired archer, who Erelani had confided in with many things over the years. They had often joked they were closer than sisters. Nerien, was as stoic and handsome as ever, his long hair flowing down his Muscular and powerful back.His dual Dalish crafted blades affixed the armour upon his shoulders . Yaren was lithe and certainly not as striking as the other pair, but what he lacked in looks he more than made up for in wit and intelligence. Not only had the group grown up together but they had spent all of their young adult years on adventures, searching and seeking out answer to their lost Elvhen history. The bond and trust they had placed in each other was second to none. Knowing soon she would be able to spend time with them again filled her heart with pure joy and hope,

Erelani squealed in delight as the group embraced after a year of parting.

“Where have you been?!” she demanded, so glad to finally see them again.

“We got separated and had no way back in once the templars attacked, but creators Erelani! How have you been! We’ve got so much to catch up on!” shrieked Shianni

“That’s a bit of an understatement” retorted Nerien

Erelani laughed, “You have no idea! Ive got so much to tell you all! But sadly duty calls! The whole clan are heading to our base in the frostbacks, if you haven’t heard!!! We get to catch up properly. I just have to go on a mission first.”

“So keeper tells us. Look at you now. Running the Shem around! Im so proud” wailed Yaren happily

The group of friends quickly made their goodbyes and embraces, knowing that they would get to properly catch up soon made the farewell that much easier. Her family and her cause and friends all together, it was a dream come true.

 

Once Erelani had found Cassandra, Dorian and Bull, plans to meet Varric and his contact in Skyhold were made. A missive had bought urgent news to the spymaster’s attention and they needed to hurry before heading to Crestwood. Apparently Leliana’s instincts on the wardens were justified and they involved Corypheus somehow. If the source was to be believed the news was dire indeed, and time was of the essence.

Erelani needed to find Cullen, to say her goodbye’s before heading out for weeks again, there was no way the Dalish escort would reach Skyhold before she would, she needed to say what was on her mind before parting again. With the blessing from her keeper, there was little holding her back from pursing hapiness and love.

Cullen was of course busy, giving orders and ensuring every eventuality was considered and planned for. He looked tired and it seemed his mood was sour, Erelani instantly thought his withdrawals must be effecting him again.

“Good morning Commander” she beamed at him brightly

“Morning Herald, is there something I can help you with” he said shortly

“Yes, do you have a minute I thought we could talk”

“Very well, give me a minute” he said bluntly before shouting out orders to Rylen.

Erelani made her way behind a nearby Aravel and waited anxiously, he had seemed distance since yesterday she pondered what could have caused the sudden change. Did he disagree with bringing the Dalish to Skyhold? Had one of her kin said something to him? Had she done something?

The commander came marching through with a scowl upon his face, this only deepened Erelani’s suspicions that the withdrawals were getting too much again.

“Cullen, may I?” she asked as she stepped forward putting her hands on his head ready to pour her healing magic into him.

Cullen stepped back and away from her sharply, before putting his hands up to distance her further “What are you doing, I’m fine” he snapped

Erelani was shocked and embarrassed by his reaction “Cullen, I’m sorry, I just thought you needed some help!”

“I’m fine!” he barked

“The wardens are in trouble; I am heading to Crestwood. I just wanted to say goodbye, to talk about us before I leave” she said hopefully

Cullen bit down hard, his jaw muscles bulging as hurt surged through him. Why was she doing this, he knew where he stood there was no need to prolong his misery.

“I have been informed of the developments, Inquisitor. I am very aware of how things seemed between you and I, but there is no us. Now if there is anything, I can do for you please let me know, I have work to get on with”

Erelani felt the wind knocked out of her, her stomach felt empty and pained, the feeling spreading through her whole body as waves of disbelief flooded her.

“Cullen…..” she called after him confused and hurt.

Instead he choose to walk away, he could not look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has taken me a little while as I struggle so much with the angst! I assure you there will be fluff, we just need to get there! I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. Thank you for reading <3


	8. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erelani is headed to Crestwood, her heart is heavy and confused. She is a world away from Cullen and cant understand what went wrong. How could she have got it so spectacularly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, took me longer than I had anticipated but already have way through the next! I hope you enjoy. Angst Angst and Angst, trust me...there will be fluff eventually ;)

Lana Hawk was nothing like Erelani had imagined, all those tales spun could not do the woman justice, she was beautiful, and her presence exuded a dominant aura. Yet there she was, level-headed down to earth and funny, really funny. Erelani really liked this woman and imagined under different circumstances, she would have been glad to take the time and befriend her. During the brief meeting at Skyhold courtesy of Varric, the Inquisitor had learnt that there was something deeply disturbing happening within the order of the famed Grey Wardens. They would need to head to Crestwood to meet another contact of the champions, hopefully then things would become clearer.

Word that the Inquisition was heading to Crestwood quickly got out and countless missives arrived with pleas of help for the forsaken village. It was quickly agreed, Varric and Lana would head to convene with their contact and meet with Erelani and company once some of the more urgent requests for aid were taken care of.

Erelani had tried to push the thought of Cullen from her mind as much as possible. Nothing made sense to her, everything before had seemed real, she was certain he had felt the same way. Putting her hands to either side of her head she gently brushed her dexterous fingers up to the tips of her long Elvhen ears. Sara had often remarked on how the Inquisitor was ‘too elfy’. Perhaps seeing her in her traditional garb, with her clan in her own environment had reminded him that they were two different people and that was enough for him to know he didn’t want to have that kind of life with her. Her mind raced back repeatedly, unsure of what sparked such a change, so suddenly. He had seemed so happy among her family and her kin, they had accepted him so well. Had her Dalish ways repulsed him? Her heart ached, her stomach turned, the grip of emptiness clung to her like a vice.

The inquisitor was grateful for the distraction that travel bought. By the end of each long day’s march, her feet and bones would ache so much, that sleep came easily. What she didn’t anticipate was the wound left in her shoulder by the Red templar, it burnt and the dull ache she felt all around her collar bone and shoulder radiated out painfully. The wound itself had been healed but an angry jagged scar now encompassed the area. Each night she spent time rubbing deeply into her muscle and around her bones, she would then apply a herbal compress that provided relief and allowed sleep but by the end of each day, the pain would emanate again.

Dorian watched over his friend, noticing the change in her mood and demeanour. Her appetite had diminished greatly and even the sparkle in her eyes seemed to dull. Despite his efforts she was reluctant to open up about what was troubling her. So, he did his best to keep her busy and laughing with sordid tales and sarcastic quips.

“Darling, can we just pretend for a moment we are In The Grande Chateaux being pampered and worshipped” encouraged Dorian as he made his way from the relatively dry and modest comfort of his and Bulls tent to sit beside her at the fire, putting his surprisingly muscled arms around her shoulders

“Need to talk?” he probed gently

Erelani shook her head side to side. “I’m fine” she whispered softly.

“Things will be better soon darling, once we get you back to your hulking commander and family!”

Erelani felt the words like a stab to her heart, she closed her eyes. It made no sense. Embarrassment flooded her again, what if she had just misread everything, and she had made a horrible fool of herself. That these feelings she was so sure of were completely misconstrued. Humans were different to Elvhen in many ways. There was certainly zero guarantee they approached matters of the heart the same. The threat that all she was to him was some fleeting lustful desire burned her deeply.

She simply nodded and forced a smile.

Dorian was worried, he had never seen her like this, nobody knew what was wrong. It was assumed seeing her family had been difficult, that leaving them again had been too much to bare. It stood to reason, she had been away from them a whole year. Dalish clan bonds were unrivalled. Being reunited and torn away with the space of a few hours would be soul destroying to anyone.

He decided not to probe, instead just to be there quietly by her side until she needed him. For his kindness and companionship at her lowest Erelani was eternally grateful of the wonderful friend she had in Dorian.

*

Very quickly the group realised Crestwood was certainly in dire straits, not only was there an enormous rift, the dead had risen and were causing the living pure turmoil. Bandits were left unchecked and reports of a dragon came in. After four long weeks, the Inquisitor and her companions had taken back Caer Bronach, which would prove invaluable to the Inquisition. They also learnt of the true reason for the dead. The horror and reality of a human conspiracy haunted the mage. The Mayor had not only drowned innocents he had done his best to cover up his crimes. Fleeing when he knew he was about to be discovered. Erelani couldn’t imagine the terror and suffering those poor souls had gone through not only plague ridden and shunned but left to rot beneath the now purposely flooded sanctuary they had found and sought refuge in. The inquisition would find the mayor and he would be made to answer his crimes.

****

The escort to Skyhold had been uneventful, the Dalish were indeed master scouts and had spotted any potential trouble long before any encounter was possible. They had averted all danger and as the crossing to Skyhold came into view, a massive cheer rang out through the Dalish.

Cullen could not have imagined how much skill this group of a hundred or so Elvhen could have brought. Once adequate lodgings were provided and the young and old housed safely within the keep. Jobs and duties were arranged. Erelani’s mother Sylvari joined Master Harret at the stables and introduced the horse keeper to the clans travelling Halla. Her skill with animals was unmatched and she truly earned her keep, helping with the forces mounts and aviary’s. Adan was joined by Arilon her father, who worked tirelessly to fill the shelves, run clinics and stock up the healers’ kits with as many aids as he could.

Nerien was given the role of lieutenant and given his own unit to train and lead. Others such as Shianni and Ryalar were integrated within the forces and soon the swelling numbers of diverse troops of people from all over Thedas become a truly imposing power.

Keeper Deshanna, gave her word and spent her time between the Mages and offering counsel to the dozens of city elfs who flocked under the banner of an Elvhen Inquisitor. Yaren was delighted with his research post in the organisations library’s, he poured daily over old scrolls and tombs. Cerine and Vetria were given posts with the crafts people and despite Cerine’s concern with the templars she worked diligently for the good of her people and her former love.

There were educators, cooks, foragers, hunters, scouts and master crafters, healers and midwives on top of the inquisitor’s closest clan members. This alliance was a true blessing to the cause.

Cullen had worried greatly that this sudden integration might cause issues within the inquisition. However, people were awed that the Inquisitor’s clan had taken up in arms and come to fight beside them. It was unheard of that the Dalish would involve themselves in the struggles alongside humans. It took some time to understand each other’s customs but, the desire for a world at peace overrode any concern or hostility the different races may have had.

Cullen knew this was what Erelani stood for: a world of peace, tolerance and understanding, where her kind were no longer treated with such distain and hostility. He pushed the imagine of her from his head and sunk ever deeper into his work unable to deal with his heartache.

“Commander, may I spare a moment of your time?” Came the gentle low tone from Keeper Deshanna.

“Of course, how can I help you?” he replied kindly.

“I believe I’ve found something, that may interest you, if you’ll follow me”

Cullen nodded and took position next to her as she made her way to the great hall, before descending carefully into the library. Where Deshanna took a scroll from the shelf.

“I’ve spent my evening pouring over these ancient manuscripts and tomes, your ambassador generously offered me access. There is much more to this place than meets the eye. I found a scroll that looks like old plans and designs for Tarasyl’an Te’las or as you call it Skyhold. I think there is a great deal of the ancient fortress left to discover.” She said as she held out the aging stained parchment.

“If you look here, there are ancient rune’s, I think they may illustrate magical passages. With your permission, id’ like to take a small group with me and investigate. Creators only know what could be revealed. Ages upon ages of ancient Elvhen history and the possibility of boons for our cause could be buried here. I am however aware there may be danger commander, that’s why I ask for a small trusty force to accompany me”

“May I” Cullen gestured for the scroll. Before trying to make sense of the faint brown ink and aging wording he didn’t understand.

“Very well, I’ll also accompany you. Our inquisitor would never forgive me if I lost you!” he smiled sadly as the pain her name held on his tongue left his lips.

*

Within a week and with a small group, Keeper Deshanna and Commander Cullen had indeed found a secret passage close to the passageway to the ancient dungeon. It bore down and headed under the armoury. A great open chamber where three large empty stone pools sunk down into the ground.

“It seems we’ve found baths!” smiled Deshanna happy at the discovery “with a little work these could be restored. With a little magic we could have these heated and used as our ancestors once did” She grinned.

From the gardens they found an escape tunnel that crawled down through the heart of the mountain that Skyhold rested upon, it wound down for a mile or so before turning into a large natural arch, opening down into a huge meadow that was encircled by a great green forest. Invisible from the heights of Skyhold and miles around it.

“This place is magically protected, there is a great barrier around here even a thousand mages couldn’t pierce it! Should we find ourselves with no place to run, I believe not even an archdemon could find us here.”

“Then we must keep this between us, I’ll inform the council, but should word get out it could be compromised.” Agreed Cullen.

Once word had reached the council on the discoveries, work on restoring the baths was immediately started. Dagna as ever worked and researched with the mages on the ancient ruins and found a way of infusing runes into the ancient magic crystals that seemed to heat the water. The chamber itself was large and warm, its ceiling domed giving the space a cathedral like appearance. Ancient paintings of elvhen in various erotic or sensual poses covered the walls. There were small chambers dividing each of the pools, each a varying depth or temperature. It was breath-taking. What a place like this would do for morale was immeasurable.

*

As the weeks passed by Cullen found himself suffering more and more with his withdrawals, he felt unworthy of the medicines she had left for him and resided himself to suffer, it felt right. He didn’t deserve her, why should he deserve the break from the misery that was his past. The choices he had made, the suffering of others he had overlooked because he was a templar. No, he deserved this, he would seek his redemption in the pain. Reports came in from Crestwood, the Inquisitor had been busy and seen her fair share of horror. Once they had met with Hawke and gotten word they would be heading back to Skyhold. The estimate was two weeks until he had to face her.

Cullen sick of the constant panic and sorrow that consumed him he finished his reports and headed to bed. The hole in the roof had always given him comfort and clarity, he hated the thought of being stuck in anywhere now. But staring up into the heavens he felt no comfort. He would never touch her again, never kiss her. She was not his to keep, how could he have let this happen. The thought of having to face her terrified him. Each time he closed his eyes, he saw her, all those moments they had shared. When he was so sure she felt the same. How could he allow himself to fall so deeply when nothing had happened?  Jumping out of bed, he got dressed and headed to the Heralds Rest.

The Inn was relatively quiet given the late hour, only a handful of patrons sat nursing their ales looking worse for wear. Cullen sat staring at the bottom of the glass of whiskey, in his hand. he had lost count of how many he had, had. Seeking only the numbness the burning fluid could provide.

Over and over again he replayed the years events in his head, how they had slowly grown from strangers, to friends then he was so sure…he had felt it. Each time they were close. What was he missing.

“You look like you need company” came a breathy husky voice.

Cullen looked up and saw Lysette one of his better recruits. The warrior had shown promise and had always worked hard. It was strange to see her out of her usual templar armour with her dark hair flowing down upon her shoulders.

She took a seat opposite him, signalling for a round for them both to the barmaid.

“Unusual to see you here Commander” she whispered

Cullen nodded “Just blowing off some steam” he muttered

Lysette leaned closer revealing the curve and flesh of her breasts from her low-cut tunic.

“There are other ways to deal with stress Commander.”

Cullen looked at the woman, he took a deep breath. She was attractive enough, and maybe a few hours of meaningless sex would be a distraction from the heartbreak he was feeling. But even the thought of it made him feel sick. Why settle for some meaningless fuck, when he almost had the world in Erelani. He couldn’t face it, he would only see his heart’s desire and that in itself would mess him up even more.

He looked at her hard, as she seductively stared at him in return.

Cullen Shook his head and quickly downed the next glass as it was presented on the table.

“What happens can stay between us. Nobody needs to know” she purred


	9. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finally realises the truth, how will he fix this?

"No.” Cullen said firmly before quickly standing up and heading to the door. He would rather face the sorrow alone than attempt to distract himself like that. It was all wrong.

As he made his way toward the cold dark night, he found himself face to face with a member of Clan Lavellan. The woman before him was striking she bore a Vallaslin over her right eye, drawing out the piercing green of her iris’s. But it was her hair and figure, the long wavy black locks that he instantly recognised. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he realised who this was. Then the vision flashed before his eyes, This was the woman with her hand on Erelani’s face, the same one who he saw kissing her.

Cerine glared at him “Having fun, I see” she stared back at the woman who had now positioned herself casually against the booth. “Funny, how you behave when she is not around.” she growled. Before heading out and back to her chambers.

Cullen couldn’t move or speak. Shame washing over him, he had no intention of doing anything with anyone. But was it that obvious to everyone how he felt about Erelani though? The woman clearly knew how he had felt about the mage hence the way she spoke to him. What did she know? Had Erelani told her they had spent time together and become close? He had no idea, but he certainly felt her anger towards him.

Cerine stormed off, how could Erelani be so stupid, he was not only a shemlen, and a Templar but he was truly unworthy of her. Cerine cursed herself for her own stupidity. Had she only been strong enough, things could have been so different. She had imagined the regret would go after the shock of seeing her former vhenan, but it had only intensified. Her bond mate Vetria was a wonderful woman it was true, kind and beautiful but she could did not make her feel the way the mage had. The year had passed by in many strange ways, but in those first few long months there was no way she could cope with the unknown. Nightmares and constant anxiety plagued her every waking moment, she had foolishly sought solace where she could find it. When she had first accepted the notion that Erelani would never return to her. Letting Erelani go, would haunt her forever. Bonds were meant to be for life, she had no idea how she could escape the rushed nuptials and the promise of a lifetime she had given Vetria. But she would fight for her first love and make things right for everyone.

*

Erelani found out what had become of the Grey Wardens, they were in Orlais summoned by Warden Commander Clarel supposedly there to end the blights forever. Though Hawkes contact, Warden Stroud believed that Corypheus has some hand in the events. As all wardens had started to suddenly hear the calling. It certainly didn’t add up and would need to be further investigated. After reporting back to Skyhold Inquisitor Lavellan would need to head to the Western Approach where the wardens were gathered.

The long march to Skyhold would take over a week, and Erelani was glad to finally be travelling home to be with her family for at least a few days. That one thing gave her so much strength, particularly when she felt so broken by Cullen’s sudden change.

Sat around the campfire with Dorian and Bull, Erelani applied her poultice to her aching shoulder.

“That looks nasty Boss, should get that looked at when we get home” Cautioned Iron Bull

Erelani nodded “Your probably right, hopefully it’ll pass soon”

“How are you feeling, looking forward to getting back?” he asked

“Oh creators yes! To have some actual time with my clan would be amazing” she replied excitedly.

“Have you seen your cheating ex yet?” questioned Bull

Erelani looked up taking a deep breath and sighing heavily

“Cerine, Yes” she nodded

“And….” demanded Dorian

“It got very awkward, she kissed me and told me she made a mistake. Despite the fact she is bloody bonded! Can you believe that?!” she stated

“Shit, that’s …yeah your right, awkward” laughed Bull

“What did you say?” asked Dorian

Erelani felt a sting in her heart. She couldn’t bring herself to say it, not yet. It was still too fresh; Cullen had hurt her deeply.

“A firm no! I just said that things had changed, and I wasn’t interested. That there was someone else” she answered quickly not revealing the whole truth of how the commander had treated her, how she had got things wrong or he had changed his mind.

“So things are moving with you and Cullen now?” asked Dorian

Erelani bit her lip, refusing to show the emotion her body threated to reveal. So much for keeping this quiet.

 

“No. It’s over before it even started” she said quietly almost a whisper

“Wait what?” said Dorian in confusion

Erelani shrugged her shoulders “I thought he felt the same, I was wrong. I even told my keeper.” She tried to force a laugh, aware of the pain in her admission.

“It’s getting late, I’m sorry but I really need some sleep. Goodnight both” she said before heading into the solitude of her tent. Here she could allow the tears to flow without being consoled or coddled, she couldn’t stand to feel weak. The shame and embarrassment of thinking he could love her and then having to live knowing people saw her as some lovesick spurned elf made her feel deeply weak and pathetic.

Dorian and Bull looked at each other, confusion upon both of there faces. Dorian knew for a fact Cullen felt strongly for her, what the hell was he playing at.

**

Cerine, walked around the grounds of Skyhold so many times she had lost count, her nerves were getting the better of her. Until she finally mustered up the courage to head to the gardens where she knew her keeper was.

“I made a mistake…. I do not know what to do” she blurted out suddenly.

“Cerine? What has happened” asked Deshanna as she quickly came to her kin’s side.

“Vetria, Erelani. I rushed a bond, when I secretly loved Erelani.”

“I see. And now seeing her again is bringing up everything?”

Cerine nodded. “I was too scared to tell anyone about me and Erelani before she left, as I feared we would be forced apart. When she went away, I never thought id see her again. I rushed into something so stupidly just to stop the emptiness and pain. Vetria is wonderful but I don’t love her like I do Erelani.”

“Da’len, how does Erelani feel?” asked the keeper already knowing the answer but hoping to clarify what Cerine knew.

Cerine sighed “She is in love with someone else, but they do not deserve her. I can’t live knowing I didn’t try everything to win her back. I can’t do that if I’m still bonded.” Taking care to not name the man her vhenan had fallen in love with, frightened of any repercussions from the clan toward the first.

“And what of Vetria?” queried Deshanna

“I have just come from our chambers, she knows. She is hurt, but also feels we rushed into something.”

“A bond is a vow given between two people; I will not pass judgement between two who decide to give themselves to each other. A bond is a sacred oath, and only the pair who bind themselves can know their hearts intentions.  And to renounce your bond and annul your promise is not to be taken lightly Cerine. Erelani seems to be happy and has choose a new path. What you do, may affect her happiness and her future. You must think long and hard about this”

“I have my keeper. She deserves someone who realises just how special she is, who will spend their lives making up for the most foolish of mistakes. I must try, I would rather give it my all and lose her than live my life regretting not trying.”

“Cerine, her life will forever be changed. She is unlikely to return to us after this. She will live among the shemlen, her title and counsel will be sought for a long time. You are aware of this?”

Cerine nodded “I would follow her to hell and back”

“Your life is your own, you must follow the path set out for you from the creators. But I counsel you to use caution, to take your time before giving things up with Vetria. Should you renounce your bond, you may give up two women who loved you”

“I understand keeper, thank you”

Cerine knew what she had to do now.

***

The great horn bellowed across Skyhold announcing the Inquisitors arrival, as she and her companions made their way across the long bridge that rose high above the peaks of the Frostbacks,

Erelani felt bittersweet, normally coming home meant she would spend time with Him, with the one who she thought had felt the same. Now the thought of seeing him left a bitter taste in her mouth and as her stomach turned at the thought of having to face him, she turned her mind quickly to the good news. Her beloved clan were here, that meant she was truly home. Finally, able to spend at least a few days together would mean all the difference to her well being and spirit, Erelani was much stronger than she gave herself credit for. The elf had gotten over worse than rejection.

*

Cullen heard the horn and felt his stomach and muscles knot up knowing he would now have to face her. If Cullen Rutherford was anything, he was professional and knew how to bury his feelings for better or worse. He would give her his all as he always had, but maintain an appropriate distance. But right now, in the moment, he could not make his way toward the gates to greet her and the party. He needed time to compose himself, and she would undoubtedly call a meeting within the hour, that would give him enough time.

*

The Commander’s missing presence was noted as a small gathering came to welcome the party, she pushed all thoughts of him to the back of her mind, instead choosing to go wash up quickly, call a meeting and get the official business done before she could relax and see her kin.

The war room felt smaller and colder than usual as she made her way inside, Josephine and Leliana awaited her and greeted her warmly. Josephine looked happier than usual and Erelani could tell she had something exciting to tell her. After a few minutes of conversation Cassandra walked in with Cullen beside her.

“Inquisitor, welcome back” he said coolly before heading as far away from her as possible and refusing to make any further eye contact.

Erelani merely nodded before taking a deep breath and updating the council on everything they had learnt in Crestwood. The decision was made to send a scout party out to the Western approach and secure a route before the Inquisitor travelled. The threat level was too high to risk any rash decision. Meaning she would have at least a week or two before she could travel.

 

“We also have some exciting news to share with you!” Squealed Josephine unable to contain her excitement any longer.

“There is going to be a ball, here! In celebration of your clan joining us. Dignitaries and ambassadors from all over Thedas will be invited to openly pledge support for our cause. Getting to meet the Herald of Andraste in her home, could really bring in valuable allies, funds and assets!” she continued.

Erelani screwed up her face “A ball? My people don’t do balls”

“I know, I know, but we will combine our cultures, merge a celebration on both our customs and traditions. I have already spoken at length with your Keeper and she is more than happy to assist in our efforts. All you need to do is arrive and charm a few nobles!”

“There is no point me arguing is there” sighed Erelani as she rolled her eyes.

“None at all. But it will be a chance to let your hair down and celebrate with your people” chirped Leliana.

“We need to order you a new gown and get acquainted with some of those who will be attending. Give you an advantage.” Stated the pretty Antivan.

There was little point arguing with the pair, she’d be better off facing an archdemon.

“There is also something else, but perhaps it would be better to show you!” said Josephine as she ushered the inquisitor out of the door with Leliana and Cassandra in tow.

*

Erelani stood in awe at the spectacle around her! Baths, actual baths…. steam rising from the deep pool of crystal clear waters, surrounded by the huge chamber lit by dozens of candles and rune stones!

“Keeper Deshanna and Commander Cullen found it a few weeks after you left for Crestwood, we’ve been busy restoring it and it’s almost ready! We thought you could do the honours and you know try it out!”

For the first time since she had left the clan Erelani shrieked in pure delight! “I cant believe it, this is heaven…..actual heaven. You realise I’m never going to leave though! “she laughed

“Can I “she asked, eager to strip off and, jump in!

Josephine nodded and before she had a chance to answer Erelani was already in her small clothes and dipping her toes in the hot water.

“Would you like some privacy?” asked The ambassador

“You humans and your weirdness with the body, look I’m not naked. But surely you don’t all expect everyone to be dressed for this do you?

“Well, I erm. Normally in Antiva we separate the men, woman and children. And use the chambers for a little privacy. But I believe local custom dictates mixed and separate baths with modesty panels for undressing and such.”

“Oh Josey, just get in, you too Leliana and Cassandra!”

The water was truly divine, the dull ache in Erelani’s shoulder and her tired aching muscles instantly felt better. The woman spent the next hour, indulging and chatting about their own lives before life within the inquisition. It truly felt amazing to have a break from her responsibilities and to socialize with the women in her organisation that she was glad to call her friends.

*

Erelani felt much better than she had earlier, with a clean relaxed body and fresh clothes. She made her way to her people. There was a years’ worth of history to catch up with and she would enjoy every detail they shared with her. It wasn’t long before she had learnt Ryalar and Shianni had began courting in the weeks she had been gone and her parents’ new duties. They talked into the early hours when fatigue caught up with the mage. Bidding her family good night, she headed back towards her own chambers.

Climbing up the lengthy stairway she smiled as she noticed a vase with fresh flowers in, only they were wild lilies, her favourite. Was it a happy coincidence or had someone purposely gathered them for her. She bent down and breathed in deeply inhaling the sweet and heady fragrance. Below read a note, in a familiar flowing script.

_I saw these and thought they may brighten your day. C x_

Erelani felt uncomfortable, what was she playing at, she was bonded and the mage was sure she had made herself clear the night in the forest. Things had changed since then, the man she loved didn’t love her and she was alone. But how could Cerine think this was acceptable that she could ever be able to carry on with a bonded woman. As good as it was being home, being around Cerine and Cullen was going to be difficult and healing from the shock of both of there admissions would take time. Erelani needed distance.

*

Erelani was happy to find her tailor was none other than Riata of her clan, Josephine talked at length about creating something unique and beautiful for the Celebratory Ball that would be occurring in a weeks time. Between the two woman they came up with a beautiful design that would highlight her station but also her heritage. All Erelani needed to do was allow herself to be measured and fitted throughout the week.

*

With her reports and duties taken care of, Erelani was now able to see her beloved friends. The five gathered around a table in the first floor of the Rest as round after round was bought to the table. They discussed a much as they could, catching up with Erelani’s events from her leaving the clan to her current mission. They told her about their affairs and how they found the new alliance and Skyhold. Shianni and Erelani embraced with the news of her courtship with her brother.

“I’ve always said we were sisters, soon it will be official” beamed Erelani excitedly

“About Cerine….” said Yaren, “we assume you heard the news?”

“That she left me for Vetria…. yeah im aware” grinned Erelani

“Ummm not that…I overheard her asking the keeper for an annulment” said Nerien Carefully.

“What?!”

“I didn’t hear it all as I was with a recruit, but I heard her say that much at least”

Erelani bit her lip, she wouldn’t, couldn’t do this. Surely, she had made it clear she was not interested, she prayed this wasn’t for her as it was futile.

“Another round!” called Erelani to the barkeep.

“I can’t even begin to understand what she’s doing, nor do I want to!” she said

*

Dorian paced the floor of Cullen office, anger and confusion flooding him.

“You knuckle dragging imbecile! What the hell are you playing at?!” he demanded

“What are you talking about?” Cullen retorted leaning over his desk as he glared at the mage.

“You know full well what I’m talking about, you string her along make her fall for you then go and break her heart!”

“I can’t even begin to understand what the hell is going in, in that brain of yours. “he shouted again angrier.

A sudden knock at the door interrupted Dorian tirade.

“Later” he stated before allowing the missive to enter, and himself leaving.

After dealing with the reports and messenger Cullen sat down, his head in his hands. Dorian had clearly gotten his facts mixed up. His head pounded and his stomach churned, nausea gripped him before he quickly ran out to the rampart to empty the contents of his stomach over the wall. Dorian was clearly angry with him, and he needed to set things straight. This was turning into a ridiculous drama that his heavy heart could not bear.

Cullen made his way towards the library hoping to find Dorian, but the mage was nowhere in sight. So, knowing the mage oftened frequented the Rest he next made his way there. There was no sign of him on the ground floor so he made his way up the narrow wooden staircase where he saw her. Sitting laughing among her kin, she looked happy and relaxed more so than he had ever seen her before. Her laughter danced across the tavern as there eyes met. Instantly her demeanour changed, she broke eye contact and her cheeks flushed. Why was he here now? Quickly he turned around before darting out the door.

“Fuck…..” grunted Erelani

“Do I sense some issues, are you alright?” asked Shianni cautiously

“Fine, ill be fine. Shemlen men! Tis all”

The friends quickly shared concerned looks before returning to their conversation.

*

Cullen made his way toward the sparring ring, needing to take his frustration and upset out on something when he saw Cerine, staring coldly at him. He put his head down and continued on.

“She fears you, who you were and who you are. She made a terrible mistake, now she blames you for her inability to fix it. You stole her world and she wants her back” whispered cole suddenly from behind The commander

“What are you talking about Cole” demanded Cullen.

“You need to understand, you need to talk to your heart” he replied.

Cullen gritted his teeth and continued to the sparring ring, taking his sword he spent the next hour ‘training’ releasing as much emotion and confusion as one could with a wooden sword.

“Good, hopefully now I can tell you what I really think” jeered Dorain as he made his way to the edge of the ring.

“What the fuck is going on” scowled Cullen

“You realise she loves you, surely” scoffed the mage

“This is a joke, right?”

“She has spent the last six weeks barely eating, sleeping or talking to us. Whatever you’ve done you need to fix it.”

“She doesn’t want me, she has another, a woman in her clan” snapped the commander as he took a great swing toward the training dummy.

“What are you talking about Cullen?”

“I saw them together in the Dalish camp”

“You stupid fool! The woman you saw her with is her ex, the same woman who left our inquisitor months after she left for Haven. The woman who ran off with somebody else, leaving our inquisitor on her own in a foreign land. Then as soon Erelani is back on the scene, she comes begging for her forgiveness and begging for her heart.”

Cullen thought back to the camp the memory etched into his mind “But I saw them kiss”

“No, you saw a fraction of the moment, you missed Erelani push her away and tell her about you!”

“Not only that she outed herself to her clan keeper about her feelings for you. Risking her permanent exile! And in return you push her as far away as possible!”

Cullen quickly went through everything in his head….

‘You wouldn’t believe the evening I’ve had’ the words she spoke when she had come to find him after her run in with Cerine. How Cerine had treated him, Cole’s message.

“Erelani loves you, and nobody else. How you fix this, I do not know. I suggest you try talking to her when she is a little less worse for wear!”

 

“Fuck………… Fuck!! How the hell do I make this right It’s probably too late!! “roared Cullen.

Never had he felt more of a fool. If only he had listened to her, trusted her. Given her a chance. He needed to sort this quickly.

“You need to up your game, what with her ex vying for her affections now aswell!” warned Dorian


	10. Realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen realises he needs to fix things quickly, but fails at the first hurdle. Can he overcome his awkwardness and win the woman he loves?

 

Cullen paced the mezzanine floor of his bedroom above the locked dark office below. The gentle creak of the aging oak floorboards groaned at his ceaseless pace. The commander had removed his heavy armour, opting for his more comfortable breeches. Allowing the invigorating feeling the cool air upon his feverish skin provided. He replayed the evenings events over and over in his mind, the revelations bringing a mix of shock at such unexpected information and guilt at his actions.

_How could I have been so stupid?_

Unable to shake the memory of the night in the Dalish camp, and his reaction the following morning, made his stomach knot and his chest feel heavy. He took a deep breath trying to fill his lung’s, but he could not shake his deep regret. If only he had listened, waited spoken to her things would now be very different. Cursing himself inwardly at his stupidity, he allowed his shame to wash over him.

‘She loves you’ Dorian had told him, explaining what he thought he had seen that night in camp. The conversation on repeated played out in his thoughts.

_But what did this mean now?_

To him, Erelani was everything and there was no doubt in his mind that anyone who laid eyes on her would surely be infatuated. How could he compete, with her former lover though? The woman he now knew as her ex Cerine, was also beautiful by elven and human standards. Erelani had already given her, her heart before she had even met him. They had shared a connection, a love and who knows what else. How could he possibly compete against her? Not only was she Dalish and knew and followed her customs and heritage but undoubtedly the women had spent years together. What could he give her, that her ex-lover could not?

Cullen felt deeply inadequate, almost clumsy as he imagined what he could offer her sexually, could he even be enough.  Her smaller, delicate elvhen frame against his broad and large human form. Would he hurt her, Fumble and fail at any attempt to pleasure her. She had obviously chosen a woman. Women would undoubtedly know what another would want and how to please each other. He had no experience with elvhen women at all, let alone a woman who had lain with another. How could he satisfy her needs? Cullen felt his whole-body ache and a sense of heaviness wash over him. Sitting on the edge of his bed he hunched over placing his head into his hands, his ruminations were getting him nowhere, just adding to his sense of utter unworthiness and self-loathing.

Was he allowing himself to think logically, he certainly didn’t think so. The night in the tent flashed before him, she had seemed to respond to him in mind and body. Why did he doubt her now. At the memory of leaning over him, her breasts pushed into his chest and her eyes searching his. He felt his arousal stir and his body respond. Calming his well-trained mind he pushed hard at those thoughts until they subsided. Now was not the time, to be thinking like this.

Cerine had left Erelani, cheated on her. His love deserved more, he would never forsake her no matter how much time or distance was between them. Cerine, must have been mad to give her up. Cullen knew where his heart and loyalty belonged.

Hope, he felt the small glimmer of hope bring him possibility. He could make this right, though the real fear of the damage being done weighed heavily on him. Would a Dalish mage who wasn’t serious have given herself up to her clan’s keeper, for a relationship with a human? There was more, he needed now to draw on his instincts and not his fears.

Hope was real. Hope was powerful. Hope was all he had.

Cullen knew, there was a very real chance he would horribly embarrass himself or would suffer humiliation at the hands of those around him and ultimately be rejected because of his own foolish actions. But, Erelani was worth it, it would not be easy he knew. She deserved to know the truth, whatever that meant for their future. He had already lost her, there was now only the hope to win her heart back. Even with another vying for her, what did he have to lose? When he now had everything to gain.

If there was only thing Cullen knew how to do it was to fight and survive, and this fight he would go in to with his heart and soul.

                                                                              ***

The inquisitor sat at the end of the long banquet table in the great hall. The daily hubbub of activity and noises echoing around the great chamber. The mage stared at her plate poking at the eggs and toast she had barely touched, her head ached from the endless glasses of wine she had shared with her kin a few hours passed.

Beside her sat Josephine and Leilani, eager to discuss news, recent gossip and the more pressing matters surrounding the preparations for the ball.

It had never occurred to Erelani just how much thought was needed to plan such an event; the ambassador was relentless in her questions and schedule she had planned for the hungover elf. Decorations, Music, Dances, attire, Guest lists, Dalish requirements and etiquette. It was relentless. Erelani was aware Keeper Deshanna had also endured at length the well-meaning ambassadors concerns and pleas to make a worthy event for all who attended. Why on earth she had to partake in this nonsense she didn’t know. Fighting demons, closing rifts and dealing with ancient Tevintan’s hell bent on damnation, that she could understand and deal with. What kind of flowers to display and the Lord Arbitron De Vas’ drinking problems were the furthest concern from her mind.

When she was first informed of the ball, she had baulked at the idea, knowing she would be made to pander to more rich humans, but after spending time with her kin, she realised she needed to treat this as the celebration it was, is only for their sakes. Surely a few hours of official business would be worth the celebration she knew would likely follow once her responsibilities had ceased. The Dalish certainly knew how to unwind.

Her thoughts turned to her former life.

_The long hot evenings under the stars, the wild beauty of the ancient forests. Celebrations around a roaring great fire. Bare feet, dancing in the warmth of the earth. The voices of her kin singing and the hours of dancing and drinking. Her. Stolen glances, and secret kisses behind the aravels. How life had changed so much._

“Please come join us, commander. I insist!” implored Josephine.

Quickly pulled from her thoughts Erelani looked up to find the commander awkwardly pulling up a seat beside her. Embarrassment flooded her, she felt the sudden rush of blood, colour her cheeks and spread all the way to the tips of her sensitive ears. The room feeling suddenly insufferably hot, her stomach dropped, sheer dread consuming her. Her instincts imploring her to get up and flee. She had already made a complete fool of herself around him once, she refused to make the same mistake again. Making as little eye contact as she dared, she looked up towards him and nodded before dipping her head low and nervously prodding her cold meal.

Despite how he had treated her, he still took her breath away; he was so beautiful such a contrast to her people. His rugged good looks and strong masculinity made her blush deepen. Cullen, she had never wanted anyone like she had him, she felt the danger in that intensity and now realised why. She felt her breath quicken and heart race as he took up the space next to her. Oakmoss, leather and musk filled her senses, intensifying the sensations that filled his presence. Erelani felt his eyes upon her, but she could not bring herself to meet his gaze, her feelings were written all over her pretty face, she dared not let him see.

The ambassador seemingly unaware of the awkwardness of the situation carried on with the unending lists, duties and schedules.

All the time he sat beside her, she felt him watch her, yet she refused to look at him.  Was he feeling as awkward as she now was?

“My lady, how do you feel about taking some dance lessons? I feel you may be invited by several dignitaries to engage in a dance or two. It would certainly give you an advantage and with your charms you will undoubtedly win over any potential allies left on the fence” stated Josephine

Erelani shoot a look up, “I’m expected to dance with them now as well?!”

“I assure you merely an hour on the dancefloor will do more for our cause amongst the nobles than if you took down an archdemon”

Cullen watched on, desperate to find her gaze and comfort her. Their inquisitor was visibly uncomfortable at the idea, he understood her tensions. He hated the way they had to pander to the whims and desires of nobles and the like. An evening spent close to tedious and obnoxious strangers with their wondering hands made him shudder. Cullen did not enjoy dancing, he had two left feet and the thought alone made him anxious.

“Perhaps our commander could go over a few steps with you” teased Leliana

“Absolutely not! Surely Dorian would be a far better teacher than I” he quickly protested, awkwardly aware of how bad it sounded once he had finished his objection. Wishing he could take the words back, he looked desperately at Josephine for aid, any help she could give him in his stupidness.

Erelani felt humiliation and shame wash over her at his sudden gripe at spending time with her, leaving little doubt in her mind now at how uncomfortable she had suddenly made him.  With her head bowed low, she closed her eyes tightly, her head pounding and her heart aching at the next wave of rejection he dealt her.

“It’s fine Commander, Dorian will be perfect” she snapped.

Josephine, suddenly aware of the tension between the pair, and Cullen’s look of helplessness. Subtly elbowed the spymaster, before making an obvious excuse and leaving the Inquisitor and the Commander to work through whatever issue they were going through.

 

**

Walking toward the courtyard arm in arm the two women whispered as they snuck looks back to the table where the pair awkwardly sat.

“What in Andrastae’s name is going on between those two?” Queried the ambassador

“Something akin to Sexual tension, or perhaps a lovers quarrel. Who knows? Word is they were cosying up before the Dalish arrived. Now she can’t look at him.” Replied the spymaster

“Was leaving them alone the right thing to do?” said the Antivan suddenly feeling guilty she had put them both in a difficult situation

“Give them a week, his resolve will break. You’ve seen the way they look at each other” Leilana urged.

**

“Herald….I ” Cullen stuttered

Finally, his chance to apologise, explain what happened. To get his feelings for her out on the table. He felt his voice shake and the dawning realisation of how unprepared he was slow his determination to declare his true intentions.

“I didn’t mean to…..come across so abruptly. It’s just I don’…t”

Cullen was cut short as a familiar raven-haired beauty made her way towards the table.

At the Commanders sudden break in conversation, Erelani looked up from her plate as the familiar smiling face came into view.

_Could her day get any worse?_

The tension around them became palpable as her former lover approached the table.

Clearing her throat, she straightened her back and turned towards the surprising visitor.

“Good Morning” Erelani said bashfully

Aware of the man beside her and the need to do something to cut the tension she tried her best at an introduction.

“Commander, this is Cerine, a member of my clan, and also one of our best craftswomen”

Cerine, this is Commander Rutherford. The leader of our forces”

“We’ve met” said Cerine dryly

Cullen merely grunted his acknowledgement.

The pair could barely look at each other, and the atmosphere became very uncomfortable quickly.

_What the fuck is going on here? Could this get any more awkward? Thought the mage._

Erelani brow furrowed as she searched the Commanders face for an explanation at the hostility between them.

“I’m sorry to disturb you when your working, but if you find a few minutes to spare, could we talk? Its important” interjected Cerine breaking the stalemate between her and Cullen.

Erelani didn’t really need a second to think, Cerine was currently the lesser of two evils, hearing her out would surely be better than more rejection from Cullen.

“Very well, would you like to join me in the gardens” she said quickly whilst practically leaping out of her chair. Grateful for her escape.

*

Cullen took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. Was he now trying to throw the woman he loved into the arms of her former lover? He certainly knew how to consistently fuck things up. He needed to fix this quickly, he was already at a disadvantage, but how could he articulate himself when he consistently turned into a mumbling idiot around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Lots more to come, the wait will be worth it <3 x


	11. Revival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erelani takes the time to listen to Cerine, while Cullen sinks further into hopelessness!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick short chapter, while I attempt to keep the story flowing and do some kinktober pieces! ;)

The mid-morning sun shone down from the heavens, as melodic birdsong and the gentle buzzing of insects hummed around the colourful blooms and blossoms in the peaceful garden. Erelani sat upon a large bench, the sun-soaked stone warming the backs of her legs. Wondering where things were now heading. Cerine stood before her, her hands rubbing together nervously.

“I am grateful you agreed to speak with me. I realise how busy you are. I promise I won’t keep you” insisted Cerine as she smiled gently at the woman before her.

Erelani nodded, cautiously. Relieved from her fortunate retreat from the commander. Shame clung to her, with yet another encounter with the man she foolishly thought could love her. Cerine’s timing was impeccable, providing the mage with an escape from even more embarrassment and rejection.

“What I did to you before Haven and even more recently is inexcusable” started Cerine’s, her cheeks and long elegant ears flushing. Remembering all too well, the memory of her unsuccessful and thoughtless attempt at a reconciliation.

“Sadly, I lack the powers to turn back time! Look, I know I can’t right that wrong, and its foolish for me to keep dwelling on the past. But there is something you need to know.” She continued, her gentle smile and searching eyes imploring Erelani to listen.

Erelani heard the plea in her tone and the sincerity in which she spoke and decided to hear out the beautiful woman who had once played such a significant part of her life.

“I have annulled my bonding with Vetria…not because I think it will win you back- I realise I lost my right to fight for you and any chance we may have had when I did what I did. I have done so because it is clearly the right thing to do, Vetria deserves more she deserves to be loved by someone who can give her what she truly needs. And however much it pains me, you deserve to be loved by someone who is also worthy. “ she confessed.

Erelani saw the hurt in Cerine’s eyes, and emotion in her voice.

“I don’t know what to say….” The mage confessed,

“You don’t need to say anything. I have come simply to ask for your friendship. Our time here, well it’s precious. I wish not to cause you discomfort or upset any longer. If and when you are ready I will be here to talk, to be a friend to you once more. Without fear of my attempts at any romantic endeavours again. You have my word” she explained in a sweet heartfelt manner.

Despite having her family and friends around her now, Erelani felt a real loneliness.  There was something damning and isolating about becoming a leader that she had never anticipated. The burden she carried weighed heavily on her, and she did not want to weigh her loved ones down with her fears. Particularly knowing the mark or any manner of event could become her end. Cerine had always understood her responsibilities, her fears and dreams. Cerine knew her better than anyone else. Erelani, had once thought Cullen was the only person, she could ever have this companionship with again. Just a few weeks prior he had been everything to her, he had done his best to shield her from the her darkest of fears. He had also opened up to her and then suddenly only showed her his distance and coldness.

Erelani was conflicted, in her short but eventful life there had only ever been two people she had ever felt such intimacy and companionship with. Both had hurt her, in ways she still reeled from. It would be a lie to say she wanted to be alone, her heart ached still unsure of how she had manged to lose two people she had fallen deeply in love with. Erelani needed someone, a companion who knew her like no other, and who she could be real with. Who she in turn would protect and be there for, if only as friends. Too finally be able to just be herself again with someone was like a breath of fresh air. The mage touched, woman was more than ‘The Inquisitor’ or ‘The First of Clan Lavellan’. More than any title, she was an Elvhen being, a person who loved, got hurt and frightened just like everybody else. To be reminded of herself once in a while, to forget the limits, restraints and the freedoms she missed would surely be good for her.

Cerine, seemed to truly be trying to make amends. A friend was exactly what she needed right now, it was felt strange accepting friendship with her but before all this happened the women were close. Perhaps they could give each other support and a much needed companionship. Cerine certainly sounded like she too could do with the support and understanding of a friend.

 “I would like that.” She nodded honestly

Forgiveness came easily, but Erelani hoped she was making the right decision.

 

***

Exhausting all other options, he could think of Cullen frantically scribbled over parchment, in the dimly lit chamber he had claimed as his office. The words he needed refused to come. A wall of worry and fear blocking his thoughts and words.

Screwing up another piece of parchment he threw it in the fire before pacing nervously.

Maybe he should ask someone for help? But who? The thought bought him further anxiety as he imagined the humiliation he would be forced to endure, as the lovesick commander who threw the greatest woman, he had ever met’s love away! No, he needed to fix this himself he chided himself repeatedly.

What would they tell him anyway if he even did ask? That he was a bloody idiot, that he screwed up badly and that he should probably just talk to her! How could he have been such a fool, regrettably ashamed; to treat her so poorly and act like some moody teenager.

Huffing in exasperation Cullen took too his chair attempting to pen his feelings yet again, hoping the muse would strike him and his words would be enough.

 

*

_Erelani_

_I made a mistake._

_I made a monumental mistake._

_I thought I saw you with her…._

_I panicked and reacted poorly._

_I didn’t listen or give you the benefit of the doubt._

_And I hurt you._

_My days are filled with regret, how I stupidly allowed my fears to consume me._

_In the madness that has followed I have allowed myself to become a stranger, to alienate myself from you further. Because I was hurting, I could not accept what I thought I saw in the forest._

_I need you to know, I am sorry. I can only tell you, that everyday I long for you, I miss you. You are never far from my thoughts. I will understand if you never want to look at me again for my shameful and hurtful manner. But Erelani, you are all my heart desires. Forgive me._

_Yours if you will have me_

_Cullen_

Rereading the letter over and over again, he clenched his fists in frustration. It was a poor attempt, he needed more much more. Scrunching the letter up in his seemingly hopeless cause, he stood up throwing the letter toward the fire before he walked out of the door. There was always more work to be done, his duties took precedence.

_His heart so scared, she deserves to know._ Whispered Cole as he appeared in the chamber, reaching for the crumpled parchment and vanishing as swiftly as he had appeared.


	12. A friend in need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the future of Cullen and Erelani hanging in the balance their companions plot to sort the mess!

“There must be something we can do?” appealed Josephine

Gathered with the ambassador around the dining table in the great hall, were Bull, Dorian, Cassandra and Leliana. Discussing the drama over supper that was unfolding between their loyal leader and their quiet and enigmatic Commander.

 “You should have seen them at breakfast. She wouldn’t look at him. And maker he was so short with her” Josey continued

“Before the Dalish arrived, He was even more focused, driven! He was the happiest I have ever seen him. What happened?” asked Cassandra sadly, the hopeless romantic in her dismayed at such a turn of events.

“You don’t know?” queried Bull

Cassandra shook her head. “No, both are notoriously private. I’m not asking either, and risk getting my head bitten off! You’ll have to enlighten us”

“The long and short of it is simple. Erelani had a lover before she came here. Cerine. Said lover, decided the distance was too great and promptly married someone else. Our girl moves on finds Cullen. Then when we rescued her people said ex-lover decided to confess her love and regrettable mistakes, before promptly attempting to kiss Erelani!” Dorian explained

“But that’s not the end of it” interjected Bull

“Indeed, Cullen saw the kiss! Thinking of course she had someone else and had been stringing him along. He then went on to cut all ties and push her as far away as he could. The worst of it, our heroine, basically told her ex to sod off and then came out to her keeper about falling for one of us humans!” concluded Dorian

“Talking about our star-crossed lovers?” boomed Varric as he joined the table.

“How could you tell” chortled The Tevintan mage sarcastically

“I’m confused, did Erelani kiss Cerine?” queried Leliana, eager to continuing the discussion.

“No, she told her she had moved on and backed away quickly. Cullen didn’t hang around long enough to see that bit! And she has no idea he even saw anything!” Dorian replied

“But now Cullen knows he fucked up and has no idea how to fix it and the hot elf is chasing her too” laughed The Bull

“Goodness, this is quite a tricky situation! Groaned Josephine

“Cullen is obviously smitten with her; it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. She is just as lovestruck.  He is just too damn awkward to fix it!” interjected Varric

“She literally has two of the most attractive people in Skyhold lusting after her, I know what I would do” boasted Bull, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

“Your subtilty knows no bounds” grunted Cassandra at the Bull

“After a blunder like that, Cullen needs all the help he can get” muttered Dorian.

“It might be a bit late; the Inquisitor was sat in the garden with a hot brunette this morning” countered Varric

“Shall I have her meet with an accident?” smiled Leliana darkly

Bull immediately in fits of laughter at the spymasters wit.

“Maker preserve me, Leilana do not jest like that! We must give our pair the nudge they clearly need!  Declared the ambassador.

“Let’s put our heads together!” Josey suggested as the group shifted closer and lowered their voices.

*

Erelani stumbled home after another night of respite, and copious amounts of wine with her nearest and dearest. The strong alcohol dulling the aching in her heart and the twinge of confusion she had felt since her encounter with Cerine this morning. Her chamber had been tidied, her bed made, and the fire was roaring in anticipation of her late arrival. Making her way over to her desk, she sighed at the high stacked reports that had been delivered in her absence. Removing her boots and armour she settled in a comfortable nightgown and pulled her plush red velvet chaise up closer to the fire. Gathering a blanket, book and opening another bottle of wine she nestled herself into the warmth, escape and comfort the luxuries provided.

Cullen and Cerine were weighing heavily on her mind, her heart still pained by his rejection. It still made little sense. And what was worse there was now animosity between him and Cerine. She could only imagine Cerine had said something to him in her absence and the pair had taken a dislike to each other.

 _Why did things always have to be so difficult?_ _Why could she just not let his rejection go, forget about him and move on._

 

Cole had followed her safely home, keeping his distance intent on making sure she was safe and happy. Watching her settle down in front of the fire, he took Cullen’s letter from his pocket. Cole had done his best to remove the creases, fold it neatly and put it inside a pretty envelope. Popping the cream envelope on her pillow, he felt satisfied she would undoubtedly see it when she made her way to bed. This small act would stop her heart from hurting further and fix everything. With one quick glance around and content his friend was safe he made his exit, unbeknownst to her he was ever even there.  

After finishing half the bottle of wine and reading four more chapters of Swords and Shields, Erelani felt the room start to spin and decided it was probably best to get some rest, hoping her dreams were kind to her tonight. Stumbling barefoot across the room she made her way to her lavish and cosy bed, wishing deeply she had someone to share its warmth with.

Closing her eyes, she threw the quilt back airing the warm sheets below. Unaware she had knocked the envelope, the sudden breeze catching it and sending it under her bed. As she climbed in, she banished all thoughts of Cullen Rutherford from her mind and allowed the hazy fog of her inebriations to send her off into a restful sleep.

***

Erelani eventually emerged from her tower close to midday, the completed stack of reports clasped to her chest as she made her way to the war room. Today marked the start of the arrival of the guests from all over Thedas, all hopes of avoiding Cullen were now dashed as she made her way to the council meeting. Making her way through the heavy oak doors, she quickly realised she was the first in, much to her surprise. Putting the heavy reports down on the table she strode across the war room towards the great window that overlooked the Frostbacks.

It wasn’t long before the door creaked open, alerting her to the presence of the Commander, both sharing an awkward look as they realised, they were alone together.

“Commander” she nodded her acknowledgment before turning back towards the great expanse in front of her. Wishing she had the ability to flee this awkward encounter, embarrassment gripping her, forcing her to look away.

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of how best to broach the silence. Would now be the right time to tell her how he felt, he wondered. Or would the sudden interruption of the others cause further issues? Maker he wished he knew what to do. Cullen now, very aware he was walking a fine line, one more push and he could lose her forever.

“Erelani, I am sorry about yesterday. Its just I have two left feet. I meant no offence. I panicked” he admitted bashfully

“Its fine. Don’t trouble yourself over it” she simpered in return, without looking back at him.

“I was…”

Before Cullen could finish the doors opened and the rest of the council entered.

Once pleasantries were made and schedules, arrival details were made Josey turned her attention to Erelani.

“Inquisitor Lavellan, I would like to raise an issue with some safety concerns we have”

“As you are no doubt aware, soon Skyhold will be full of strange faces from all over Thedas, we have of course vetted all our guests and will take all necessary precautions. But during these few days you will be called to meetings with them.” She explained

“Commander, we would like you to escort the herald, offer her an armed guard as it were. Your skills alone could make all the difference if we were to have a security breach” Leilana explained

“I, yes of course” Cullen answered quickly. “It would be an honour” Cullen piped up, eager to rectify the blunder he had made the previous morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quick one! More to come soon! :D


	13. Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guests start to arrive in Skyhold, one such guest proves to be dangerous and Cullen worries for Erelani.
> 
> Trigger Warning. Threats of non consent and assault in the next few chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quick chapter were getting really close to the ball!!

**_Three Days until the ball_ **

There was now little doubt that Ambassador Montilyet was indeed the very best at her post, and the weeks of preparations would give Erelani an advantage and the priming she needed when dealing with such diverse and challenging guests.

_Perhaps the less diplomatic elf should have listened more intently…_

Security had indeed been significantly heightened, guards were stationed at every door and entry/exit point in the fortress. Making the whole place seem far more foreboding and authoritative. Alongside the security, new décor and furniture gave the spaces inside an influential and dominant veneer, there was no doubt this was a power move to impress the dignitaries that the inquisition wanted on side.

 A sun flooded chamber off from the main hall was set up to receive and entertain each of the notable guests. Bright flowers and the familiar Dalish and Inquisition’s heraldry adorned various tapestries and banners in the well-lit and comfortable room. Lavish, velvet sofas and tall back leather chairs encircled a large ornate glass table where elegant silverware and delicate ceramics were filled with the finest cakes and finger foods, as well as piping hot coffee and the finest wines and brandy.

Lord Arbitron De’vas was an aging wealthy and powerful noble from Ferelden, the stench of alcohol wafted through the open doorway as The Inquisitor and Commander Rutherford entered the chamber. The meeting was called at eleven bells in the morning, yet it was clear the Lord was already inebriated. Erelani noted his engorged red nose and the red bloom of broken capillaries flushing his weathered and wrinkled face. Beside him stood his assistant, a middle age man with a warm and pleasant face, he nodded as the pair entered a nervous smile on his face.

“And who might you be? Come, come, I have a very important meeting with your superior came the croaky and matter of factly demand from the Lord as his aide looked on horrified.

Cullen’s brow furrowed at the disrespectful attitude his elvhen leader faced, gripping his hand awkwardly on his pommel he took a deep breath and swallowed his need to defend her. Knowing her well enough that she could hold her own.

“Well, I am sorry to disappoint you Lord De’vas but I am Inquisitor Lavellan, welcome to Skyhold”

Ohh, hurrr, hmmm…” he spluttered

“Forgive me, my lady? I, erm, am unsure how one would address an elf of your station.”

Erelani resisted the need to roll her eyes and simply held out her hand to offer a handshake.

“Ser, perhaps you would like me to present the Inquisitor with her gift? “promptly came the shaky quiet voice of his supporter eager to avoid further mortification.

The time passed by slowly as Erelani worked her charm on the drunk lord, with constant apologetic looks and help from Tomos the aide. As the lord navigated his way through a much changed world, where a Dalish elvhen woman held more power than he. Cullen watched on through gritted teeth, unsure how she could not only keep her cool, but do so with grace and kindness. Finally gaining his support and access to his famous artillery machines, Erelani was able to wrap the meeting up before withdrawing for the next meeting.

“You know you would make an exotic consort for one of my sons, Andraste would never bless an unholy union of marriage of course, but you are a pretty little thing. Think on it” Stated the Lord as he lifted his heavy form from his seat.

Cullen felt his muscles tense, outraged by the uncouth privileged attitude this elder noble so blatantly exhibited. His patience wearing thinner by the minute.

 

By the time the Lord was ushered from the room, Erelani was emotionally drained, how she hated pandering to these people. Forever looking down upon her race and undermining her. They would never understand how much she was doing for them, yet she knew it didn’t matter. Whatever would come from this, people like that would quickly forget the good her kind did, that was the way it had always happened in history. This was not about her, it was about saving the world. If she had to endure a few more like it surely it was worth it.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with that attitude” came the soft and kind voice of Cullen from the doorway.

Erelani smiled sadly “It is what it is Commander”

“You’ve more patience than I” he replied

“How many more?” she questioned

“One more today, and two tomorrow he answered apologetically.

\----

 

**_Two Days until the Ball_ **

Retired chevalier Gabriel le Moyne was Erelani’s last meeting of the day and she was eager to retire from her duties and spend the night with her friends. Varric had organised a game of wicked grace over supper with the promise of plenty of drinks. All from the Inquisition were too attend to ease tensions and worries before the ball.

From the onset of the meeting Erelani felt deeply uncomfortable, the Orlesian made her skin crawl as she felt his eyes all over her. Arrogant and conceited the aging chevalier, was dressed impeccably in true Orlesian fashion, grey and ivory silks and finery. His long grey hair slicked back in a ponytail and a thick chevron moustache hung over his thin lips.

Cullen watched on quietly, his ever-diligent stance ready at any moment, his hand resting on the pommel of his heavy blade.

Gabriel le Moyne had offered his service to the inquisition in the form of a spy, claiming his knowledge and contacts within the Empire would prove invaluable.

As Erelani proceeded to question his repeated dubious claims and inappropriate chatter.

“You know, you should smile more” he casually said as he bent over the table to place his hand on her knee.

Cullen instantly reacting to the sudden advance, and moved to stand beside the mage, who looked annoyed at the sudden intrusion of personal space.

“ Is that so Mousier Le Moyne, perhaps you should worry less about my face and more about what you can offer in return for our gainful employment” she said drly as she grabbed his hand and moved it off her leg. Giving Cullen a quick nod to let him know she was okay and he didn’t need to intervene.

“Don’t be so sensitive my pretty lapine, come let us drink to your health”

Gritting her teeth, slowly she picked up the fine crystal glass and sank back the rich and fruity Antivan wine. Inwardly hoping this meeting could hurry up. The retired chevalier certainly enjoyed talking about himself and for the next hour she had to politely sit through tale after tale of his supposed heroic exploits and flirtations.

“Now tell me Inquisitor, with your obvious heritage what do you think of human men?” he casually inquired

“Excuse me?” she said feeling her cheeks flush knowing Cullen stood next to her.

His two aides sniggering at the question.

“Is that really appropriate” snarled Cullen angrily

The Orlesian smirked “A woman in your position surely needs a strong man to guide her, no?”

“A man or woman in my position listens openly to the guidance from a team of dedicated and loyal advisors in her council. Though I can assure you I need no man to guide me Mousier.”

“I see. But come now, perhaps you just haven’t met the right man to help guide you in the most appealing of ways” he continued reaching for her once more.

Grabbing his hand mid air and offering a warning glare from her alert and darkened olive eyes, before he could put his grubby hands on her she calmly declared “I am quite able to guide myself and my needs. I will put your case to the council”

“The meeting is over” growled Cullen, ushering the men from the room.

“My apologies herald, perhaps you will allow me a reprieve at the ball” he smiled, though Cullen could hear the distain in his voice.

Finally gone Erelani relaxed, she felt almost dirty. The man truly made her uncomfortable, there was something deeply unnerving about him and she felt a shiver run down her spine. She sat in silence until the commander returned, happy in knowing he had escorted them out of her way for the time being at least.

“Are all Orlesian’s so grabby?” she asked

“Not quite as bad as that. I don’t understand why he is here; he is clearly embellishing his claims.”

“I picked up on that too. A couple more days and we will be rid of the lot of them!” she encouraged.

Over the course of the two days, and the near the constant escort, Erelani had slowly began to allow the awkwardness and distance between her and Cullen to break down. The had slowly started to speak again in a civil manner, and he had seemed more amicable than he had since they had saved her clan. There was little point in overthinking things she thought, not wanting to get hurt again. Though it was nice to not feel so embarrassed. She often felt his eyes upon her, and he seemed to be putting in a real effort to return their friendship, in which she was a relieved.

\----

Pacing the gloomy and noisy tower where Leliana and her ravens occupied, Cullen voiced his concerns.

“You should have seen him; he couldn’t stop touching her! How she kept her cool I don’t know!” Cullen argued

“I don’t trust him, there is something not right about him. Half his tales sound made up, but his interest in the Inquisitor is a concern!” he continued realising his concerns sounded more like jealousy than anything else.

“Very well, I will have eyes on him and up the guards put a watch around Erelani” agreed the Spymaster.

“Can you do it discreetly, I don’t want her thinking I’ve questioned her capabilities. But men like that are dangerous!” he pleaded

“One thing you can count on is my discretion Commander. But Cullen are you letting your personal feelings cloud your judgement?”

Cullen groaned this is exactly why he opted to speak to Leilani alone, foolishly thinking she wouldn’t know what was going on between him and Erelani and not question his motives.

“My feelings are irrelevant; I think he is a threat” he pleaded again

“Very well. I will see it done” nodded Leilani before Cullen took his leave.

\--

The night air was chilly as dark clouds loomed over the blackened sky, masking any star or moonlight as Cullen made his way across the courtyard.

“But their men are like women, no! Frail little things. Not built for fucking. But those she’elfs they are tight little bitches, oui. Simply not used to our human length and girth. Oh my friends, have you ever fucked an elf? They are always a pleasure to rut, whether they enjoy it, I care not, it is irrelevant” came the misogynistic and dark slurs from a familiar voice as Cullen made his way around to the Tavern.

Closing the distance Cullen could see the familiar retired chevalier pressed up against the rampart walls with a small gathering of men around him. Anger and revulsion burned through the commander as he recalled very well the Orlesian’s actions and words from the meeting. Sword gripped firmly in his hand, the commander made his way toward the group of men ready to shut the vile man up for good, when Erelani suddenly called out his name.

“Cullen! come on we’re waiting for you!” her voice soft, warm and encouraging.

Cullen had a decision to make follow her or to act. If he chooses the later would she think he thought, she couldn’t look after herself and needed protection. Particularly after the sexist, misogynistic attitudes she had encountered from their guests over the last few days. ‘Maker knows’ he was very much aware of her talents and skills. But he couldn’t shake his protective nature and the way people spoke about her and her kind. Finally allowing the fog of anger to clear he choose the path toward her.

The tavern was warm and inviting, ale and wine flowed freely as the large group gathered around a large pine table on the third storey. The whole floor reserved for the Inquisitor and her companions. The table was already occupied with only the mage and the commander missing. A round of applause rang out as they made their way toward the party.

“Ready to lose all your gold Curly?” jeered Varric cheekily

“We will see dwarf, deal me in!” retorted Cullen playfully

Cullen made his way to the only free seat available as the mage took her seat opposite and happily returned to her drink.

“Ale?” offered Blackwall to the commander as he checked out his hand.

“And lose my advantage?!” replied Cullen, trying to not make it obvious he was concerned for the mage he had fallen for, and stupidly given away. He needed to keep his guard up.

 Erelani quickly twigged on to the ambassador being more proficient at wicked grace than she let on. The rounds and drinks were quickly disappearing and Erelani was starting to feel a little tipsy.

“I need another drink, another round?” asked Erelani as she got up and made her way toward the stairs.

A chorus of appreciative cheers rang out in response.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing what they have, I’ll join you” replied Cullen as she made her way downstairs.

Making their way downstairs quietly, Erelani found herself face to face with Le Moyne.

“Ah inquisitor, letting your hair down I see. Come let me buy you a drink” he urged

“I’m sorry Ser, but I have a prior engagement.” she pushed her way passed and swiftly pressed her way towards the bar and far away from the creep.

Le Moyne, attempting to grab at her but failing. Cullen watched the man’s face change and saw the danger in his eyes.

“I warn you once, keep your hands off of her” Cullen snarled right up in his face

“Ah the little lap dog barks! Of course, of course commander!” retorted the Orlesian

Cullen glared; the man finally backed off making his way back to his corner.

“Where did you go?” questioned Erelani

“Nowhere, just having a quick look about. So many new faces” he said quietly

“Come let me help you with these” he pleaded as he helped her carry the heavy trays back up the stairs. Following in her footsteps, his eyes focused on the Retired Chevalier, noticing his unsettling gaze was fixed firmly on her.

Cullen somehow managed to make sipping the one glass of ale Erelani had insisted on, all night an art form. Nobody noticing how he vigilantly kept watch, except of course Leilana. There was little that escaped her after all.

After hours of hilarious stories, stomach aching laughter and an obscene amount of alcohol the party started to dwindle. Wicked Grace was wrapped up with a clear winner in the Antivan and with the promise of an incredibly long and busy day the group started to disperse, finally leaving Cullen and a rather drunk Erelani.

“I suppose that means we should go too” she whispered

“Come on, ill get you to your chambers” he smiled

As she stood up, the room started to spin, and she staggered her way towards the stairs.

Cullen smiled at her silly state, but now more aware than ever how precarious her position was. Checking each floor on their egress for the slimy Orlesian. But he saw no trace, giving him little comfort.

Wobbling her way downstairs, somehow the surefooted elf made it down without incident. Much to his surprise. As the pair found their way outside into the cold night air Erelani shivered as the cold hit her.

“Here” Cullen took of his heavy warm mantle and offered it, placing around her lithe and narrow shoulders.

“Cullen, I… Thank you” she whispered as she swayed across the cold ground.

“My lady, may I “he offered his crooked arm as a support which she reluctantly took.

“You’re a hard man to read” she sighed, simply unable to understand his intentions. Perhaps the problem was simply he wanted nothing more than to be a friend or a protective advisor.

Noticing the two guards stationed at her stairs, he sighed a breath of relief knowing there was little chance of anyone slipping past. Both guards were some of Leilana’s top agents, nothing would escape their eyes.

Cullen helped her up the stairs to her chambers, all the while checking for any sign of entry or anything untoward. His cautious nature overriding everything else at this point.

“Cullen, What happened, we were so close.” she suddenly whispered taking him by surprise as they entered her sanctum

“I’m sorry” is all he could muster as he felt the unexpected question. Now was not a good time to try and explain.

“Can we discuss this another time?” he pleaded

“Sure. I need to get to sleep anyway” she mumbled uncomfortably, regretting her words. What was she thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	14. Back to the water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen knows hs time is running out and needs to make his move, meanwhile Erelani and Cerine spend more time together.  
> Can our boy finally do what needs to be done and win back the woman he loves?!

Making his way down the staircase into the hall he exited her tower.

“I want two of you at the door, at all times without fail, if there is any incident or anything suspicious at all I want you to get me immediately” instructed Cullen at the two guards posted at her door.

“Anything!” he reiterated before heading to his office.

Tonight he had an opportunity to finally come clean and tell her how sorry he was, that it was all a big misunderstanding that in the weeks that had passed since the incident he had just found it harder and harder to find the words. That he had sunk deeper and deeper into despair unsure how he could fix this. The more time that passed the more difficult the task seemed. But tonight however, the opportunity didn’t feel right, not when he was on alert and concerned for her safety and she was somewhat intoxicated. He had a plan, it was going to take something special and he would finally tell her how he felt, then she would know. Then she could make her mind up, whether or not he deserved a chance.

Returning to his office, he worked into the early hours, making sure everything would go perfectly the night of the ball and she would be safe. Finally succumbing to tiredness, he made his way up to his loft and sank into the cool linens on his empty bed.

 

The morning was glorious the suns warmth radiated across Skyhold as the hustle and bustle of preparations kept all busy.

“You know you need to make your move soon?” appealed Rylen as he made his way toward Cullen, who stood at the rear of the courtyard. A small contingent of agents and soldiers from both the Avvar and the inquisition followed the inquisitor as Cullen kept his distance and kept watch for the sinister Orlesian.

The commander’s eyes fixed firmly on Erelani who was giving the last guest to arrive, a tour around the grounds. That guest happened to be a handsome and charismatic Thane from the Redhold clan, eager to gain allies and form powerful bonds. The one guest it seemed the inquisitor could relate to, both from backgrounds that were strange and mysterious to everybody else. She seemed to be genuinely relaxed in his company. Cullen felt a pang of jealousy wash over him as her laughed danced over the courtyard

“She is a beautiful woman. If you don’t tell her how you feel, someone else will” he concluded before marching off toward his duties.

Cullen groaned, Maker did everyone have to be so invested and vocal about his predicament. They were all right of course, not that it made it any easier. but he was going to fix this! He just had to do it in his own way and time. Then she would know, once and for all.

 

\--

Erelani muscles ached, the day had dragged on, with so many last-minute preparation and duties to organise and sort. She longed for an escape, for an hour to relax and unwind before the frantic and demanding day she knew the morning would bring. Making her way to the baths, she breathed a sigh of relief as she realised it was quiet. Making her way to the smallest and hottest of pools and removing her armour and linens she saw a familiar face smiling back at her.

Cerine watched on as Erelani made her way into the warm soothing water. The baths serene and deserted at the late hour, a handful of guards posted at the entry points but no other soul in the place.

Erelani had changed so much in the time they had been parted. Not only was she an inspiring leader in her own right, commanding the respect of all around her, leading a whole Inquisition, she was still fearless, kind and loving and had not lost any of the qualities that made Cerine fall for her to begin with. As Erelani made her way into the water with not a stitch on, Cerine couldn’t help noticing how her body looked so different. Her legs and arms boasting more muscle definition, making her look leaner and stronger than ever before. But what really caught Cerine’s attention was the sheer number of scars that covered her body. Great silver streaks lined her limbs and torso, like a fierce tigress. But the substantial trauma that sat on the length of her breastbone made the elf well up as she imagined such an injury could, nay should have been fatal. Cerine gulped down hard overcome with sorrow and grief at how much this ordeal had already put her one-time lover through. The guilt of her mistake weighing down heavily on her, knowing how close she had come from losing her and wondering if she had faced such trauma alone. Or perhaps she had him….

“Fancy meeting you here” smiled Erelani

“I come when its quiet and peaceful. I’m glad to see a familiar face though” the elvhen beauty replied earnestly

“Tell me of your day?” continued Cerine

“Oh you know, just the same old, strange humans, wild expectations and having a world to save. Nothing us humble Dalish woman can’t handle!” she laughed at the absurdity of her predicament

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing amazing!” Cerine encouraged, brushing her long raven hair away from her face.

“Let’s just hope I can pull off the end game!” she sighed

“Look, Lani, I need to tell you something….I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but I need you to know!” admitted Cerine, the threat of the future hanging in the air. Words she wished she had confessed a long time ago.

Erelani felt her heart flutter and her stomach knot unsure of what was to come.

“I was and have never been ashamed of you or embarrassed by what people thought of us being together. Never! Honestly, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, having the clan separate us, being forced apart or being married off. I wanted to keep you just for me, so nobody could hurt us. I was quiet to protect you…To protect us” she spoke softly each word heartfelt.

“I…Cerine. But what of Vetria, you bonded without issue? Outing yourself to the clan” queried Erelani unsure of how to deal with the sudden confession.

“Honestly, I didn’t care, id lost my world. Whatever they did was better than living without you. I know you will find that difficult, if not hard to believe. But I would never lie to you. Being the first, you were important. They could have stopped everything between us” said Cerine sadly.

“So much has happened, in such a short space of time” the mage sighed.

“I remember the day we become more, as if It were yesterday, despite the years that have since passed. After those weeks of flirting and uncertainty, wondering if you felt the same. Then you kissed me, behind the Keepers Aravel. And everything changed. Keeping things quiet and private was exciting at the start but I came to want more. I think I always did. Neither of us could have ever known which way our lives would turn. To be back like this, in here! Well it’s a little overwhelming” confessed Erelani aware of the closeness and privacy they were sharing.

“Being in the water like this certainly brings back fond memories” blushed Cerine brightly, remembering all too well sacred and private moments they had shared together.

Erelani laughed softly “How simple things were then”

“Do you miss it?” asked Cerine

“Of course. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes imagine things were different, to go back…. Sometimes I go back and fore in my mind, our life and how much I miss it. But Then I get hit by reality. I remember where I am, how much this has changed me and what I must fight for. I doubt I will ever return to that life”

“I’m sorry Erelani, there will not be a day that passes where I do not regret my choices”

“Please, Cerine I’ve told you before. Me leaving was hard, how could I have expected you to hold on. I only ever wanted you to be happy. What’s done is done, we must move on from it” she implored

“You are the most selfless woman I know, that human of yours is a very lucky man”

“He isn’t my human….”

“I thought…You said”

“I was wrong, let’s just say I’ve had my heart beaten a couple of times. I’m done with it all, at least for a while.”

“Oh Lani, im sorry!” said Cerine biting her lip nervously

Standing up in the shallow water she made her way closer to the mage, the silky water glistening from her familiar and alluring body. Erelani dropping her eyes quickly uncomfortable with the strange familiarity and momentary urge for comfort and intimacy. For a moment, wondering how much easier life would be if she just forgot the past and she just kissed the woman she had once pledged her heart too. To be loved and have someone to fight for. To feel whole. To go back to a time when things were simple, her future was in sights. To be loved was a truly inspiring and divine gift. But as hard as she wished for things, she could not get Cullen from her mind, it hurt her greatly…he clearly had no interest in her, why couldn’t she just move on, get over this stupid infatuation….There was no answer. Every night, every morning he was the first thing on her mind. Every time she saw him, she felt the pull and electricity, mixed with her shame and humiliation from his rejection. Creators this heartache ran deeper than she could ever have imagined. She needed to move on and away from these thoughts.

“It’s easier this way. I can no longer give anything other than what I already do to this cause. Whoever is close to me now is at risk and I’d be putting a big red target on them, were at war. Maybe when this is all over, ill have a life again. Until then, the Inquisition is a pretty demanding mistress” she feigned a smile trying to ground herself and shield her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally.....we are now at the point we've been waiting for! The ball. I want to really do this next few chapters justice! But im working on them now! :D 
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	15. The problem with men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day is finally here, Erelani preparess herself for the ball and the night to come.

 “Oh, my lady, you look divine!” beamed Josephine as she helped the inquisitor place her gold circlet upon her crown. The evening was finally upon her and Erelani felt the fluttery sensation in her tummy as she made her final preparations, almost ready to make her way down. A grand entrance into the large hall where a sea of faces awaited her presence.

“You just need to get down the stairs, the rest will come naturally” assured the ambassador aware of the mage’s nervousness and her fidgeting and flustered demeanour.

Now Dressed in the most beautiful attire she had ever seen, Erelani looked striking and a symbol of grace and hope, a glowing representative of her people. The expertly tailored ensemble was a play on time honoured Dalish garb. A blend of emerald and moss green hues, with delicate gold inlay and embroidery. The colours warm and well suited to her pale and freckled complexion. The gown itself was made from flowing long skirts that draped the floor in her wake. Two long slits at the front panelling of the skirt revealed delicately crafted thigh high stockings, the fine stretchy fabric decorated in thin gold embossing drawing up her long and shapely legs. Next, her curvaceous figure was further accentuated by a fine bone corset, the curves of her breasts teased by the opaque fabric that ran from her neckline up around her elegant neck in a pleasing cuff. The stockings opened at the bridge of her foot, as a Y shaped thong sat placed between her big toe revealed the high arches, and delicate toes of her bare sun kissed feet. The look was finished by a fine gold engraved circlet upon her head. A dainty red jewel sat upon her brow of the thin gold band, drawing out the mysterious blend of olive and honey from her eyes and the wildness and alluring call of her Vallaslin. Her glossy brown hair hung long and loose. Its length now falling below her shoulder blades, a single braid was gathered above her left ear in the area her hairline was shaved. The braid hanging down her narrow and exposed shoulders. The relaxed, almost liberating hairstyle now displaying her sensitive long elvhen ears, leaving no doubt to any who or what the inquisitor was.

With little time or room for excuse, it was now time to make her way to the hall.

“I will see you down there” the Antivan diplomat assured kindly.

Erelani nodded, taking a deep gulp of air and biting her lip.

Emerging from the stairway of the grand balcony, Erelani made her way slowly and purposely down the stairs. Trying desperately to not show any sign of weakness or anxiety. After all tonight firstly, she was the Inquisitor.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, honoured guests. Your Inquisitor” called out the familiar voice of Lady Montilyet.

A sea of faces, some familiar, though many strangers turned to face her, a chorus of adoring gasps rang out through the hall as she descended further. The moment a strange mix of terror and awe. It was then that their eyes met…

Cullen jaw dropped as she came into view, “Makers Breath” he choked, out louder than he had anticipated. Those surrounding him stifling the giggles, from the yearning Commander. Unable to take his eyes from the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, his mouth hanging open, in wonder. Cullen had never seen her look so free, so wild and beautiful. As was the nature of her station, her hair was almost always braided and she was always in mages robes or armour. Yet here she stood, like a mysterious warrior queen, graceful, beautiful and untouchable. Maker his heart thumped wildly in his chest as she got closer to him at the end of the stairs. If Cullen could somehow fix the damage, he new he would gladly spend his life in utter veneration, worshiping her completely.

“Inquisitor……” he spluttered, his cheeks blazing. Stuttering nervously, unable to find any sense or reason in his mind as he desperately tried to articulate himself.

If Erelani hadn’t of know better she would of thought, the commander indeed liked what he saw. The fact he couldn’t take his eyes off her or speak spoke volumes. But she did know better, didn’t she?

_Creators were human men impossible!_

“Commander, I trust all is well” she smiled demurely. Noticing he too had been forced to make a effort for the event. His hair was combed back and had been trimmed slightly and he was freshly shaven. He wore a black tunic with gold sash and Erelani could smell oakmoss and elderflower. The scent filling her nostrils and making her own heart thump in turn.  Why did he have to be so ridiculously handsome, she inwardly grumbled.

“I…I…yes of course. Erelani…. you look….b..b” He mumbled, gazing at her.

“Commander, If you don’t mind” Interrupted Josey suddenly almost breaking the spell he was under. Ushering Erelani away to the awaiting dignitaries.

The atmosphere in the hall was charged, people were buzzing with excitement and joy at the celebration. Not only were the flowers and decorations bringing colour and a beautiful heady aroma to the vestibule, great golden candles gave the whole chamber a delicate and magical glow. The floor was alive with the patter of feet, as the grand band played a mixture of traditional and Dalish tunes. Servants dashed around the crowds as nimbly as rogues, as they served tray after tray of drinks and delicate finger foods. The whole of Skyhold was alive for the festivities.

It hadn’t taken long for the first of the visitors to request a dance, and thanks to Dorians surprising never-ending patience and guidance Erelani was able to keep up with most of the steps without difficultly. After the fourth guests requests, she was able to retreat as the music continued.

“You look beautiful, ma falon” came the soft and calm voice of Cerine.

Erelani looked down at herself humbly and smiled “That is too kind. Tell me how fare you this eve?”

“Oh you know, wine and cake! What is not too enjoy. Perhaps later you would join me in a dance?”

“Perhaps” Erelani smiled back before, being caught again by the ambassador.

“You remember Thane Bearclaw of Redhold, of course” the Antivan interrupted abruptly.

The Thane was handsome it was true, a great hulking man standing nearly a foot and half above her. A mass of white blonde hair and bulging muscles. It was easy to see what the others did, as the eyes of numerous women, and the glint from some of the men fell upon him. Kell as she had come to know him was kindly enough, knew of the Dalish ways and was also a stranger to the ways of those around them. It stood to reason with their somewhat similar background they would have a few things in common. Erelani was pleased, to finally not have to dance with a pompus stranger.

“It would be foolish of me to not ask for a dance, though I was hoping for something a little more upbeat” he admitted

All too happy to accommodate Josephine motioned to the band, who quickly upped the tempo. A cacophony of drums and flutes rang out loudly in the hall, the deep bassey thuds filling the high ceilings. The relief and delight of elves of all creeds suddenly manifested, as bare feet hit the stone-cold ground. The energetic and uplifting beat created a frenzy of twirling, spinning, legs flaying and ankle slapping ritual moves. It was such a contrast to the mundane, controlled and monotonous sway of a waltz!

Cullen watched on, as the thane picked up the mage with ease, twirling her around and lifting her with ease. The words of his Captain, Rylen ringing in his ears. It wasn’t only he, who saw her as more. There was barely an eye in the whole place that wasn’t fixed upon her as she allowed herself to succumb to the revelries. Looking every picture of beauty and charm.  It was hard to not wish he stood in the thane’s place, he bit down clenching his jaw trying to supress the jealousy he felt.

Erelani, spun round to see a familiar set of amber eyes gazing deeply at her and the thane. His brow furrowed, arms clenched and a general sullen look upon his face. There was no way she was ever going to understand the man.

“Thank you for the dance Kell, Erelani said as she bowed and took her leave.

“My lady, the pleasure was all mine” he smirked, watching her sashay away.

The evening was a roaring success, offers of fealty, powerful allies and trade deals secured. The Dalish welcomed in a proper manner, the inquisitor’s heritage honoured. The drinks flowed as the hours grew later, the inquisitor enjoyed the company of her nearest and dearest. Cullen had barely taken his eye off of her all night, she couldn’t understand what he was thinking or feeling. The whole affair with him was far too complicated. The music in full swing she took the hands of her kin and together they danced and sang in her native tongue. All around watched on as she sang and danced, her hair flicking back and forth as the sheer joy on her face was plain for all to see.

As the band began to quell and relax, a familiar song began to play. _Lathbora viran_ A song about lost love and longing for something one could never understand. Couples began to pair off as the slow and melodic tune bought out the romantics in a passionate and entwined display of hearts . Erelani felt sadness and confusion well in her as she looked to Cullen, whose eyes now seemed fixated on a group of guests in the doorway. Then to Cerine, who smiled at her softly from the other side of the room, stood among her kin. It was now or never, Erelani moved with purpose. Uncertainty and the familiar fear of heartache clinging to her like ivy around an old oak.

But before she reached her destination, she heard a familiar, unnerving voice shivers ran down her spine and she felt her skin crawl.

“What did you say?” Cullen Roared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I left a cheeky little cliff hanger! Please be assured im working on the next part now <3
> 
> Thanks for reading, as ever greatful for the kudos, comments :D x


	16. The nail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama unfolds at the ball.

“A fucking knife ear, and above her station! You watch, I’m going to take that blasphemous whore, whether she likes it or not. Let’s see how that pretty dress looks when I rip it from her. Show her where she truly belongs” gloated the slimy Orlesian, Gabriel le Moyne. As a small gathering of his entourage hung on his every word.

“What did you say?” Roared Cullen his voice deeper and more commanding than ever.

In three smooth steps the commander was upon him, eyes burning with rage his body tensed as he felt waves of pure anger surging through him. The Orlesian smirked at him, then laughed deeply. Almost goading the commander, his arrogance and sense of self importance blinding him to the very real threat that stood before him.

“Il est venu protéger son lapine, oui?” he taunted, sure the lower born Ferelden would not have the class to speak in his tounge.

Without thought or concern of consequence Cullen released the full swing from his solid powerful right arm, his fist colliding with le Moyne’s jaw. The intense and severe uppercut knocking the former chevalier out cold sending him sliding across the dancefloor. The melodic and atmospheric music stopped suddenly, the whole of Skyhold turned to face the commotion, as chorus of gasps rang out. The unconscious heap on the floor as the commander stood over him.

Clenching his jaw and stretching his hands and fingers Cullen shouted “Guards, take him away now!” He felt his heart racing, his adrenaline spiked by the confrontation. His muscles tense, ready to fight but there was now little need. The supposed ex chevalier clearly no match.

“Commander, are you hurt?” came the thick accent of the seeker rushing to his side.

“Fine Cassandra, I’m fine.”

“What happened?” she probed

“Let’s just say, he made his abhorrent intentions with the Inquisitor clear. I wasn’t taking any chances”

“I see” said the Seeker, not really understanding

“Where is she?” he asked, eyes seeking.

“She left”

Ushering him to one side, away from the prying ears of the guests. “Cullen, you care for her, yes?”

Cullen shifted uncomfortably “That is not what that was about” he said quickly and defensively. Aware of how this looked.

“I do not question your intentions.” She replied earnestly

“Go to her. This dance of yours has gone on long enough! The pair of you are utterly hopeless!” she grunted and rolled her eyes.

“I’ll take care of this, my friend” she smiled pointing to the out cold slump.

“Go!” she demanded as he stood still unsure of what step to take.

Looking around the room, he saw the crowd eagerly watching, hoping to hear a snippet of gossip and drama. His eyes searched every corner, but he could not see her anywhere.

“In her chambers!” pointed Dorian helpfully as the commander wandered the hall searching.

**_Knock Knock_ **

He rapped the door lightly at first, then again. After no response he tried again harder.

Nothing.

Placing his hand on the large brass knob, he turned it and to his surprise found it open. Taking one quick look behind him, careful there was no other trouble. He watched as the guards now escorting le Moyne and the ambassador quickly getting the party restarted. Hoping to find her, he entered the doorway.

“Inquisitor” he called out, as he made his way up the first set of stairs to her chambers.

Again, no response came. Panic took over, worried someone had hurt her, when he let his temper get the better of him and dropped his guard. Could it have been a distraction?!  He began to quicken his pace up the steep stone stairway. Until he reached the top.

Erelani was stood overlooking the balcony, her back to him. The room illuminated by a roaring fire and a few glimmering candles here and there. Being in her room now, it felt unnerving, yet thrilling. Though his concerns quickly overriding his awkwardness.

“Erelani” he called out again, she finally turned around. Her nose red from the cold of the night air, goosebumps lined her delicate skin. She stared, eyes wide and her expression unreadable.

“Are you okay?” he asked hurriedly

“What were you thinking?!!” she snapped suddenly

“Erelani…He was going to…”

“You think I don’t see danger? That these ears don’t pick up on their vile words and intentions those bastards have planned for me? Fenedhis! I hear it everyday!” she continued, pointing to her long elvhen ears.

“Please…Listen” he pleaded

“I can’t understand you! I’m not some damsel in distress, some shemlen fairytale!!. I’m a mage, and a pretty fucking powerful one at that! I don’t need you fighting my battles. You have no fucking right! Why must you keep doing this to me. Tonight, I saw you watching me, I saw the look in your eyes. Like you used to…. Before…” she stopped herself unable to finish. Her throat tight and sore.

“Makers Breath Erelani! It is not only my responsibility to keep you safe but it is literally part of my job to deal with scum like that….”

“Enough! I could have dealt with it in my own way. You had no right! You’ve already made it clear how you feel about me! She growled, interrupting him, full of emotion in her voice. Her chin trembling as she pleaded with the creators to not let him see her cry! Weeks and weeks of heartache, pain, confusion and rejection cumulating to this moment.

Her voice gave the pain away and he knew it, maker he had hurt her badly and now they stood in her chambers. Once more he had done it, putting the final nail in the coffin once and for all. There was nothing left for it….

“Listen to me for one minute!” he shouted back, desperately trying to get his point across.

“This is more Erelani, so much more……”

She scowled and put her hands up, motioning him to leave.

“You realise I’m in love with you, right?!” the words finally free, leaving his mouth of there own volition.

She stared at him; he watched her face change to confusion, then sadness. Letting the words settle in the air as he felt the tension in the room boil over.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!! GET OUT!” she screamed, her body betraying her as tears streaked down her cheeks.


	17. crescendo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has confessed, Erelani learns more....

Angry and wild, her wide smouldering eyes blazed into him, he swore her iris’s themselves burned with the colour of the mark she yielded. Erelani Lavellan by nature was as calm and warm as a midsummer afternoon. This side to her exposed the fierce, mysterious and powerful creature anyone rarely saw. There were no words he could fathom, that could now make this right, at least none that came to him. There was little doubt as to why she was reacting as such. His obviously perplexing behaviour toward her must have eaten her up, tangling up her thoughts in confusion and anguish. Tonight, it had reached its final crescendo. Closing his eyes tightly, he nodded woefully, a painful lump forming in his throat. Succumbing to the inevitable loss yet desperate to stay, he knew it was futile. Heeding her demand, he gave her one last look, tears billowed down her face as she tried desperately to control her emotions. He wanted nothing more to gather her up in his arms, to tell her she was all his heart desired. The look on her face was not one able to see reason now. He could only pray some miracle would save them. Reluctantly he turned around before walking away.

 

With his departure Erelani sobbed loudly, a mixture of anger and frustration finally over coming her. It was torture surely, pure torture. Why was he toying with her, blowing hot and then cold. Followed now by an unjustifiable declaration of love, after an attempt to defend her honour from some toothless letch. It made no sense and she couldn’t cope with the thought of the games he seemed to be playing with her heart. ‘ _There is nothing between us’_ She remembered those word of his all too well, the sting of them, she felt as fresh and painful as the first time he uttered them that morning in the Dalish camp. A courtship of rejection, interest then back to rejection was the furthest thing Erelani deemed as romantic, real and loving, his behaviour was intolerable. Creators it hurt. At least with Cerine’s betrayal it made sense there was logic too it, despite that heartache she knew where she stood. Cullen’s behaviour was cruel and baffling, so many times he had been short with her or distant, then back to friendly as if her feelings mattered little. The mage deplored the games of head and heart. Of course, as a Dalish she was somewhat traditional in matters of the heart, but surely this behaviour was not commonplace against shemlen. What was she thinking falling for a human?!

Downing back a glass of fruity red wine, unable to quell the sting in her throat. She wandered to the warmth of the hearth, trying to warm herself as her body shook from her outburst. Tears streaking down her freckled cheeks in hot salty threads. Rubbing her hands over her face and through her hair, she felt how tense and tight her muscles were, it was rare for her to lose her temper, but the sudden release of pent up emotions felt somewhat cathartic. Though it did little for the heartache that ate away at her. How could he keep treating her like this?

**

Slamming the door to her tower, the commander stormed through the busy hall like a man possessed. Anyone in his approach darting quickly out of the way. It was clear the man was in no mood for niceties.

 “Leave me” Cullen snapped as Dorian and Cassandra made their way toward him, expressions etched in concern, both more than a little worried by the Commanders scowl and visibly upset face.

“I hope she is faring better” whispered Dorian

“Do you think we should go to her?” Queried the seeker nervously in her thick Nevarran accent.

“Hmmm, judging by his reaction I think it is best if we just give them a little space” he assured.

**

The courtyard was still teeming with revellers, the sound of music and chatter hung in the air as Cullen passed through the rotunda over the empty shadowy rampart toward his personal sanctum. The cool night air stung his burning cheeks as he fought back his own emotions and heartache. Without thinking he marched into the office, opening the bottom draw of his heavy wooden desk and pulled out a vintage bottle of dwarven whiskey. Pouring himself a large glass he made his way onto the battlements eager to escape tonight’s ordeal. With bottle and glass in hand he walked away from his office, from the noise and away from everyone. Now was the time he needed to be alone.

***

“He doesn’t want to make you feel like this. He was too scared to tell you. The wounds, the words were scribbled over parchment. He didn’t know how to show you. He planned on telling you, but his time never came. But the words are with you now. I left them for you, but you never saw them. There, look! Under your bed”

The sudden appearance of Cole normally would have given her a fright, but in her numb state, she felt very little. The sweet and well-meaning spirit boy was the least of her concerns right now.

“Cole, what are you talking about?“ she sighed sadly as she walked over to her bed, bending down she searched under the dusty floor, until her eyes caught a glimpse of cream parchment.

Nervously she thumbed at the envelope, pacing the floor unsure whether or not to open it. Terrified of what lay inside. Nausea swept over her, her stomach a flutter of worry. Finally her panic dulled and curiosity won as she carefully opened the sealed letter.

The paper crumpled and felt heavy in her hands as the words burned through her. His words, his hand.

_Erelani_

_I made a mistake._

_I made a monumental mistake._

_I thought I saw you with her…._

_I panicked and reacted poorly._

_I didn’t listen or give you the benefit of the doubt._

_And I hurt you._

_My days are filled with regret, how I stupidly allowed my fears to consume me._

_In the madness that has followed I have allowed myself to become a stranger, to alienate myself from you further. Because I was hurting, I could not accept what I thought I saw in the forest._

_I need you to know, I am sorry. I can only tell you, that everyday I long for you, I miss you. You are never far from my thoughts. I will understand if you never want to look at me again for my shameful and hurtful manner. But Erelani, you are all my heart desires. Forgive me._

_Yours if you will have me_

_Cullen_

 

Pacing the floor energetically, the beautiful dress, draping in her wake. Her eyes now red as she nervously bit down on her bottom lip. For the umpteenth time she reread the letter, going over and over it.

_ I could not accept what I thought I saw in the forest _

_ I thought I saw you with her _

CERINE!

“Shit!” suddenly things were making sense. Searching her memory of that night she remembered vividly pushing Cerine away and then Cerine attempting to kiss her before she pulled away. Had he seen that?! Maker, could he have really thought she was capable of that. That her intentions weren’t true to him.  Then the morning after, he was so cold so distant. _He thought I had another love. Why couldn’t he have just asked me, talked to me!_ Erelani’s mind a frantic swirl of memories and emotions. Things beginning to finally make sense. _Cullen thought I was with Cerine!!_ Memories darting to that morning at breakfast the tension between the man she loved and her former lover _…. Oh creators_! Panic and regrets Not only that she had left him there at the breakfast table, instead opting to head outside with her ex. This was so ridiculous; how could he have not realised how she felt. Erelani felt deflated and broken. How could something like this caused such a rift.

Streaming over the letters again and again…

_He meant it!_

_Fuck…he loves me. He feels it too! There is hope!_

Without a second thought she dashed down the stairs into the bustling hall, immediately Dorian and Cassandra came over to her side.

“Have you seen Cullen?” Erelani quizzed quickly before they had a chance to ask her how she fared.

“He stormed off towards his office!” urged Dorian

“Thank you, thank you!” she piped up as she made off towards his tower with haste, letter in hand.

Regret washed over her, if only she had known what he had seen. Everything inside her screamed with remorse at how something that she had no sway over and truly wanted no part in could have cursed her so. A few words between them could have erased all of this awfulness! His behaviour while foolish and cold at least now made a lot more sense! Whatever happened they needed to talk. _I need to make this right_

The dim candlelight shone from his office like a beacon in the dark. Approaching the door she wiped her face and smoothed herself over. With little idea of what she was going to say or do, she knocked the door and didn’t wait for a response.

“Cullen?” she called out. The office empty, just a few papers lining his heavy and organised desk. Shouting louder again, she cautiously peeked up to his attic to find no sign of him there either. Erelani felt her body grow heavy and her heart almost felt like it had shrunk with the sheer disappointment.Heading out to the battlements and down to the Tavern she searched there next, a few drunken cheers went out as she entered. With lightening reflexes and her sincere apologies, she managed to avoid most of the pleasantries and offers of drinks and toasts as she made her way around the tavern.

“You okay peaches?” called out Varric from the back of the second floor, deep in a game of Wicked grace with a few recruits.

“Have you seen the commander?”

Varric lips curled up in a knowing smile “About time, my friend about time! You tried his office?”

Without bothering to reply, she flew up to the next set of stairs. _Cole would know, Cole will help!_

The third floor sat unoccupied, no Cullen and no Cole.

_Training Ring!_

Dashing down the steps, she made her way to the wooden pit, aside from a few drunk revellers perched up on the fence she found no sign of him, nor did any of the folk she asked on his whereabouts.

Battlements, a few guards who had just changed shift. Hadn’t seen him.

Stables. Smell of horses, a passed out blackwall.

Mages Tower. A few confused mages concerned over the sudden appearance of red faced inquisitor.

Vault. Deserted

Library. More confused faces.

Garden. Interrupting some eager lovers trying to find some peace.

Wine Cellar. Cobwebs

Kitchens. Hectic. No Cullen

Baths. Closed for the eve.

Erelani was running out of places to look and was beginning to realise that he obviously didn’t want to be found. Feeling resignedly empty, she felt her heart sink and sighed dejectedly. There was so much to say, so much to sort. It was her time, she needed to tell him, to show him. Her anger, her fury that heat. It was clear she had pushed him away.

The walk to her chambers was difficult, she didn’t want to give up but there was nowhere else she could think of he would or could go without at least someone knowing his whereabouts. Crossing the courtyard for the last time she came face to face with Cerine.

“You look like you need a friend?” she smiled sweetly

“No! No I don’t. Cerine…this, I, You! No! Creators. I need to go” she lamented.

Crossing the now empty hall, she searched about one last time before reluctantly opening the door to her tower.

 _How can I fix this now?_ Relinquishing her hopes, she surrendered to the inevitable, another chapter ending in heartache.

Closing the door behind her tightly and turning the bend up the stairwell she gasped and jumped back. Sat on her steps, still in his dashing attire, with his form arms on his knees, empty glass in hand. His eyes red and swollen with the most apologetic and sad look on his face was Cullen.


	18. United

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Dragon Age Day! <3 <3

Stopping herself mid stride and jerking her head back, almost losing her balance. Erelani let out a small squeal of surprise, her eyes wide in shock, the mage gasped “Cullen. I…you...your here!!” She quickly felt her heart race and  felt somehow exposed as he stared at her through impossibly dark lashes and hungry amber eyes, his lips slowly curled in a small crooked smile. The air between them electric and tense.

“Cole” he simply explained. The only word she needed to hear, knowing they both were finally on the same page. Cole the fixer of all problems, and the bridge between the divide.

Cullen in turn felt his heart thump wildly, the euphoria of the moment almost making him dizzy. Getting to his feet, he took a short  purposeful and confident stride toward her. Grasping the sides of her pale, flushed face, he looked deeply into her smouldering eyes. He watched as her pupils doubled in size and her cheeks flushed as she bit her lip and her chest rose rapidly at his touch.

“Makers Breath, forgive me!” he whispered

“Creators Cullen, please I had no idea! It’s yours, ma vhenan, my heart! It’s yours!”

Smiling from the depths of his soul he took a second to just look at her before running his fingers through her silky hair and resting them between her long slender elvhen ears, he closed the last bit of distance between them, pushing his broad muscular body to her soft and open warmth. Crashing his lips into her, with need and purpose.  Hungrily her soft lips opened into his needy kisses, as his tongue searched and found hers. With a soft gasp she ran her fingers through his sandy thick hair. She could taste the sweet, yet strong bite of whiskey on his breath. The thirst for each other was intense and the long months of emotional turmoil finally reached its fever pitch. His kiss was a promise, it was real and primal. The connection of two spirits finally united, in a love and passion that burned with the fiery intensity of a star. Erelani’s hands slid down his body resting over his firm chest, she felt the hard-tense muscle underneath his thick black tunic and his heart thudding as wildly as hers. She pressed her mouth harder to his, desperate needy kisses, turned to deeper long explorations. Cullen let out a small grunt as she gently bit his bottom lip. Struggling to keep his composure, he picked her up with ease and she wrapped her legs tightly around him, before he pushed her against the cold stone wall, her beautiful dress hitching up her body exposing more of her creamy shapely thighs. His strength and power made her quiver and tremble in anticipation.  Erelani felt herself gasp loudly as his hard and hot member pressed against her through his tight breaches and now her very wet hot sex ached against the thin material of her silky smalls. She felt her core tingle at the pressure and burned for his touch. Removing one hand from her fleshy derriere, where he held her up with ease, he slipped his fingers between the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her hair back gently breaking the kiss and exposing her neck.

With hot amber eyes, he stared at her, she looked phenomenal. Her eyes almost black with desire, cheeks flushed, and her lips swollen and plump from his passionate advances. Her legs wrapped tightly around him, he could feel her heat and smell her arousal. It made him crazy, but he had no intention of rushing this. This time it would be perfect, he would savour every moment and take his time. Erelani deserved his best and Maker he would give it to her.

He smiled at the beauty before him and sighed deeply.

“Makers Breath Erelani, you’ve no idea how long I have wanted to do that!”

Panting heavily Erelani smiled “It was worth the wait!”

Stroking his hair away from his eyes, she smiled at him deeply, the feeling she was inside a dream wasn’t lost on her. “Come on, let’s go upstairs!” she demanded breathlessly. With steady strong strides he held on to her tightly as he ascended the staircase into her chamber. All the while she grinned at him madly. Cullen was awestruck at the woman in his arms.

The great hearth roared with dancing orange flames, its warmth heating up the vast chamber. The doors to her balcony were closed and the air was warm and fragrant with the bunches of wildflowers that embellished her tabletops. More than anything he wanted to throw her down upon the sumptuous bed that stood out in her chamber. The soft furs and silks that adorned its plush visage, called to his baser instincts. But after everything he did not want to take anything for granted or hurt her. His body screamed for her touch, but his head and heart feared that step. She watched him curiously as his eyes flitted from the bed to her and noticed his sudden apprehension. Her too, cautious not to push anything too far he seemed nervous, despite how her body ached for him.

“Cullen, I kept this. I promised you back in Haven a bottle of our vintage!” she encouraged, before gently pushing away from him and sauntering over to a small closet. Quickly she returned with two crystal goblets and a chilled bottle of Dalish wine. Curling up on her Chaise, she ushered for the handsome and now awkward looking Commander to join her which he did eagerly. He sprawled out on the corner of the great couch, his arms and legs spread in a welcoming posture. Erelani carefully poured the two glasses before passing him over one and snuggling herself up to him, before he quickly pulled her onto his lap.

“I think I should explain my behaviour” he mumbled uneasily

“Cullen, Vhenan…That night, what you saw. I had no control over it, She kissed me. Cerine and I have a history, but I swear to you, I had no intentions then nor now of rekindling that flame. What you saw was her desperate attempt at an apology and guilt. I assure you my heart is yours. I just wish I had known sooner.” She said gently.

“I didn’t even give you a chance, I just assumed and went off on you like a bloody moody jealous teenager. I’m so ashamed.”

“Had I seen what you saw and thought, I may have reacted a whole lot worse!” she smiled as she moved closer to him, taking her small hand in his.

“I swear I will never assume anything again!” he confessed

“There is also something else…. I owe you a dance” he grinned his cheeks blazing.

Getting to his feet, he bowed before her, offering her his hand, “My lady, it would be my honour”

Erelani grinned and felt her own checks flush at the sudden request. Below them the sound of the band playing a slow and melodic tune filled the chamber, making the moment perfect. Taking her hand, he led her to the balcony. Putting one hand firmly around her waist and the other clasping hers tightly he began to lead her, swaying gently around the balcony as the stars twinkled brightly above them. “I will never let you go again, my heart” he whispered in her ear.

“Nor I you, Ma vhenan. We have a lot of time to catch up on” she breathed

“Tonight, is just the start” he replied before placing his lips tenderly on hers.

There they stayed, swaying with the music as he gently kissed her, as softly and as sweetly as he knew how. The pain and uncertainly slowly washing away between them, giving way to hope and happiness. Love, they both felt it, both too afraid to say the words just yet. The stars aligned and the creators sighed a breath of relief as the Elvhen Mage and the Ex Templar finally overcame there struggles and united.

“Stay with me tonight, just hold me. I feel like I could wake up and this all be a dream” she murmured as she released herself from his lips.

“It would take more than a army to part me from your side” he whispered before picking her up in his arms and carrying her back into the warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> I try to post regular updates, and will finish this! 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated. Please be kind, this isn't my strong suit just a passion! 
> 
> Thank you x


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